Has anybody ever wound you up so much, that you wanted to cut them down to size, in the most scathing way humanly possible? Come on you stupid a$ wh*le! You know you have! I saw you squirming last night, when that overweight chap who looked like the love child of Yoda and Chewbacca, pounded you into oblivion with his high-pitched Minnie Mouse type voice. But don’t you fret! Why not? Read on... and you may learn something

Creative Cursing

  • If you got hit by a car – right here right now – I’d feel sorry for the car.
  • I hope that all your teeth fall out, except for the ones that will give you toothache.
  • May your youngest daughter grow thick and wild hair in abundance - specifically all over her face.
  • Did you know, that you’re so ugly, people join the Army just to get away from you.
  • I hope that Father Christmas leaves you something special in your stocking, preferably, what he ate the night before.
  • May all of Santa's reindeer get the shits on your roof!
  • The only way that you would look cool, is if you caught pneumonia.
  • Do you know what would be a fitting epitaph for your grave? "Alleged child molester."
  • Soap Operas are not far fetched, as most of the storylines that they convey – like rape – child molestation – abuse – and necrophilia – all came from your family’s history.
  • You smell like fermented sushi salvaged from a skip.
  • Most of the nutters in programs like X-Factor, are more grounded in reality than you are.
  • You should be kicked off of facebook, and then join two-faced book.
  • Have you ever tried surfing on your father’s coffin? I have.
  • Did you have open-heart surgery, and have you heart replaced with shit.
  • Try holidaying in Harlem with a Klu-Kluc-Klan costume on – it worked for your relatives.
  • Afghanistan – Vietnam – Iraq – and your mother... guess which one has had the most solders in them.
  • When you look into the mirror, have you ever felt happy afterwards?
  • Your so fat, that your don’t walk, you roll.
  • I know of deformed monkeys that are better looking than you are.
  • Why don’t you turn into a chandelier, and hang all day and burn all night!
  • Didn't you ever wonder why your parents hate you so much – you’re the f**king bin-mans bit of trash!!!