Bride Wars Cover Did you know that the real reason why people get married, is all to do with asparagus? True – this elderly chap who works in an asparagus shop told me once ‘Marriage is full of asparagus’. Well? It was either ‘asparagus’ or ‘silliness’? Let’s asks Director: Gary Winick; or Actors: Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson, shall we? Especially in 2009 and for 89 minutes.

Bride Wars

Two close childhood friends, Olivia Lerner (Kate Hudson) and Emma Allan (Anne Hathaway), have a lot of things in common. Which are: (1) They are both pretty. (2) They both have successful careers – a lawyer and a teacher respectively. (3) They are both romantically linked to two fine chaps – Daniel (Steve Howey) and Fletcher (Chris Pratt), also respectively . And (4) On top of that, they both get proposed to by these fine chaps at the same time as well – well, in a matter of speaking.

Therefore, you would have thought that when they both go to their mutual wedding planner, Marion St. Claire (Candice Bergen), only to discover that the date and the venue they wish for there nuptials are one and the same – that this would be a good thing, right? No – I am afraid not. As Emma does not wish to share the limelight with Olivia – and visa-versa – and this causes a rift between these two old friends, one that gradually gets worse over time.

Now all of this starts when they each refuse to budge on the date and the place for there own weddings, a clash which subsequently causes them both to do some very strange things indeed. Firstly, they choose people to be their ‘bride of honour’ that they would not normally choose – for Olivier, her P.A, Kevin (Michael Arden) – and for Emma, her work college, Deb (Kristen Johnston). Next, they both instigate ploy after ploy after ploy to sabotage the opposing parties proposed ‘big day’ – both cosmetically and on a personal level too. And finally, this all comes to a head when Emma gate-crashes Olivier’s hen-night, resulting in a strained time for one and all.

Eventually, because of their feud, these dueling 'brides to be' come to realise that not all is as they hoped that it would be for their wedding day. Still, when this day some around, all of this comes to the fore in a way that neither of them hoped that it would be. Because what next transpires is a rather awkward affair all in all – as weddings crash – love is lost – friendships are nurtured – people cry – people kiss – and in the aftermath of this chain of events, all I can say is... mama?

When I was a kid, I used to play this game on the Atari console called ‘Asteroids’. Now all that this game entailed; was that I had to rotate this little spaceship left and right with a joystick, and then shoot all of the asteroids of varying sizes out of my way. Granted, this game did have a varying degree of difficulty – because in each level, I was presented with more and more asteroids to shoot down for my own pleasure. However, after a while, this game began to bore me half to tears – as all I did was see the same thing again and again and again.

OK, now I am sure that you are wondering to yourself why I am telling you this tale, right, during a 'Bride Wars' review'? Well, it is because this game called ‘Asteroids’ is very much like this film called ‘Bride Wars’. You see, at first, they are both very enjoyable to watch – but then, when the monotony starts to set in – ohh – its time to hit the off switch, CLICK! 

Girls Party in Bride Wars

Listen now; I do not want to sound too disrespectful to any of the actors involved in this film, as they all manage to do whatever it is that they have to do to make this film work. Nevertheless, when the story is as ‘one note’ as this one is, there is only so much posing and pouting that can be done to save this marriage related cinematic chicken – as it is one of those movies.

Fair enough, I am of the male persuasion the last time I checked (check!), so maybe this film was not really marketed at someone like me. However, this is still no justification in the scheme of things to make a one-note movie of this proportion – especially one that could have been so much better with the cast involved. Kate plays the foxy lady to perfection – Anna has that bookish charm about her that is just laboured and captivating at the same time – and some of the subsidiary parts (notably Michael Arden and Kristen Johnston) really do put their stamp on this film where character is concerned. So why wasn’t it better, huh? Why couldn’t the writers have given the story and the character attributes a little more depth so that you would actually care what happened to these people? Were the makers of ‘Bride Wars’ so sure that the beauty of Kate, Anne, and co, would outshine the overall content of this piece?

Yes – I think so too.

Kate and Anne in Bride Wars

It is a shame really, as I hoped that this film would be more than just another run of the mill ‘chick-flick’ for the masses. Honestly, there is so much cr*p out in Hollywood today, that I wished that this film had feet and could run all the way to the finishing line with pathos, integrity, and some class. Granted, some scenes in this film were quite good – particularly the ones involving Kate or Ann and their respective ‘Brides maids’. Still, these were too few and far between in my eyes, and just showed that this film was all glamour and no glory.

This is a film for the pretty people – marketed at those whom like a repetitive tale and no sub-text – like ‘Asteroids’.