BATMAN VS MARY POPPINS - WHOSE BETTER WITH CHILDREN?
Batman - Mary Poppins
Picture the scene, two bloggers sitting on top of a mountain in the middle of Manhattan. Now the first blogger is me, the reviewer, and the other one is my pal, Comics Maven. Together, talking and surmising about all of the worlds most dynamic topics of note, such as - who is better with children, Batman or Mary Poppins.
MAVEN: Batman’s not just a babysitter, he’s a father (literally and figuratively speaking) to each of his Robins.
THE REVIEWER: So what? Father Christmas is a father too. But Mary can breast feed, and was not in a Joel Schumacher film.
MAVEN: And Mary never made it into any other movies at all.
THE REVIEWER: Of course she didn't. She was too busy babysitting.
MAVEN: Come on, Bats had to take care of multiple underage boys (and an unruly blonde who Barbara Gordon had trouble with too).
THE REVIEWER: Mary had to take care of an unruly blonde once as well. His name was Sven, and he had too much to drink one night whilst dancing naked with a giraffe.
MAVEN: While his perchance for spandex can be a bit much at times, only one boy died during his care, a record considering how many Robins have been under his cowl and the numerous villains they’ve apprehended. Even when his second Robin, Jason Todd, died, he became a much better person because of Bats. If it hadn't been for him, Todd would have still been out in the street stealing, possibly like the rest of the Robins. But they weren't – they were instead taken in and pampered by a billionaire.
THE REVIEWER: Oh! And that turned out brilliantly, didn't it? At least none of the children Mary ever looked after, chopped anybody's heads off and then shoved them in a sack! Moreover, Bruce may have more cash to splash, but Mary has other more bigger assets, hint, hint!
MAVEN: Hey, no naughty talk you! Anyway, taking Bruce Wayne out of the context of comics for a second, he gave Superman great advice in the Young Justice TV series regarding what to do about Superboy. Bruce not only owned Superman by making him look like a terrible father figure and person (which I whole-heartedly enjoyed, the Super jerk…), but it also made Bats look like a fantastic parenting guru – who Mary Poppins could learn a lesson or two from. And he not only gives advice, but uses it on Superboy, treating him better than Superman (and also subtly mentions how hard-headed he is – to benefit Superboy, of course).
THE REVIEWER: Superboy is a clone, he does not count as a ‘real child’. And as for Batman giving Superman good advice! Ha! Don’t make me laugh! The only thing Batman gave Superman that was any good, was a smack in the mouth with a Kryptonite ring.
MAVEN: What’s the real smack in the face is the clone bit. How can a clone not be counted as a ‘real child’? The definition of a child is “A son or daughter of any age.” Superboy is a son, at least biologically, to Superman and Lex Luthor. …ew.
THE REVIEWER: So Superman and Lex 'banged' each other?
MAVEN: Hey, I said no naughty talk! If anyone wants to bring up the dangers of being babysat by Batman, there are definitely dangers to a nut job with magical abilities that could easily kill the kids in her care.
THE REVIEWER: Mary is not magic; she is just very nice to animals, owns a very strong umbrella, plus is very fortunate with the wind too. Also, she is good with kids because she does not dress them up in Kevlar, and then teaches them to beat the living ka-ka out of homicidal maniacs. Oh! And she does have nice teeth.
MAVEN: The better for Batman to bash them in.
THE REVIEWER: So Batman’s a bit kinky? Hmmm. No comment. No naughty talk.
Now please remember to check out Comics Maven's website when you can, or else she will batter me like Batman does his children. Also, if your are interested in doing a media related 'Vs battle with yours truly, please contact me by clicking here.