Picture the scene; legendary writers, Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, both take their old jovial ally, Bill Murray, off to the Sahara desert, for a spot of sailing. Now obviously this rather dry pretext is to set the stage for Dan and Harry to ask Bill the all important question, we all want desperately answered. Nope - not "Why do you make those bloody bland Wes Anderson movies?". Instead, ''Why won't you star with us in the new Ghostbusters 3 movie?". Their conversation goes something like this...Ghostbusters Double Feature
BILL: Hey! Why are we sailing in the sand?
DAN: It's therapeutic.
BILL: But why do I need therapy?
[Harold and Dan look at each other and smirk wryly]
BILL: Your going to ask me? Aren't you?
HAROLD: Well, it would be silly of us not to.
BILL: Silly? No. What you guys are doing are silly! Not me. I'm a sixty year old man sailing in a sand, and you want to dress up like cosmic garbage-men again, and shot at CGI.
DAN: Do they still call it CGI nowadays?
HAROLD: Yeah, I am sure they do. Just like how the public will call us Ghostbuster again, but only if Bill will agree to join us with G3.
BILL: G3? You going to make a sequel to Groundhog day?
DAN: No Bill, Ghostbusters 3. Come on. It'll be like the good old days.
BILL: No.
HAROLD: Why not Bill? Wasn't it fun the first time round.
BILL: Sometimes.
DAN: So why not three times the charm then? It'd be like 'Blues Brothers 2000'.
BILL: Ha! I thought that you wanted to encourage me to make this movie?
HAROLD: Please Bill, we've been friends for long time now, haven't we? Since 'Meetballs'. Both me and Dan have defended you in the press, and tried to make the public realize that you are a... errr... how can I put this?
[Harold looks at Dan with confusion etched upon his face, shrugging his shoulder in the process. In turn, Dan scratches his head, thinks for a moment, turns to Bill, and...]
BILL: I'm an ass-whole. You made Blues Brothers 2000. Same thing.
DAN: Well at least tell us why you won't join. You owe us that much as least.
[Bill sticks his ore in the sand before flicking it with his hand, prompting it to make a 'Twang' sound].
BILL: Rick Moranis
DAN AND HAROLD: What?
BILL: Rick, the goggled-eyed little shit-stain, Moranis. He's why I won't make Ghostbusters 3.
DAN: Care to elaborate Bill?
BILL: He owes me five dollars.
DAN AND HAROLD: What?
BILL: The little twerp still owes me five dollars, and I am not going to star in a film with him in it until he pays me.
DAN: But he might not be in Ghostbusters 3?
BILL: Doesn't matter. He is still associated with that project, and I don't want any part of it.
HAROLD: Listen Bill, if you tell us a bit about this bet both you and Rick had, maybe Dan and I can do something about it, to make things more... errr... hmmm....
DAN: ... compliant between the two of you - a middle ground as it were.
BILL: You sure you can do that?
HAROLD: Only if you tell us what this bet was about.
BILL: Err, OK then. You see, as you may remember, both me and Rick had this bet running all the way through Ghostbusters 2, about who could make Sigourney Weaver laugh more. Now, over time, it was obvious to Rick that I was going to win, so to make things a bit more easier to him, I bet him five dollars that I could make Sigourney laugh without saying one single word to her. I won the bet. The little dip-shit didn't pay.
[Both Harold and Dan look at each other for a brief moment, with a perplexed demeanor to their stance]
HAROLD: Err... that's all well and good Bill... but... if you don't mind me for asking... how did you get Sigourney to laugh, without saying anything to her?
BILL: Oh! That was simple. I dropped my pants and showed her my dick. It makes me laugh all of the time.
[Now for the next couple of minutes or so, both Dan and Harold look at each other with intensity, whispering feverishly back and forth, with the intent of coming up with an amicable solution to Bill's issue. Then suddenly...]
HAROLD: I have a solution Bill. A very simple one in fact. F*ck 'Ghostbusters 3', lets make Groundhogday 3 - the revenge of Puxatony Pete' instead. It'd be just like good old days!
BILL: What? So you don't think that you can help me get my money back from Rick?
DAN: No way. You have a better chance of bringing the dead back to life, like...
DAN: But he might not be in Ghostbusters 3?
BILL: Doesn't matter. He is still associated with that project, and I don't want any part of it.
HAROLD: Listen Bill, if you tell us a bit about this bet both you and Rick had, maybe Dan and I can do something about it, to make things more... errr... hmmm....
DAN: ... compliant between the two of you - a middle ground as it were.
BILL: You sure you can do that?
HAROLD: Only if you tell us what this bet was about.
BILL: Err, OK then. You see, as you may remember, both me and Rick had this bet running all the way through Ghostbusters 2, about who could make Sigourney Weaver laugh more. Now, over time, it was obvious to Rick that I was going to win, so to make things a bit more easier to him, I bet him five dollars that I could make Sigourney laugh without saying one single word to her. I won the bet. The little dip-shit didn't pay.
[Both Harold and Dan look at each other for a brief moment, with a perplexed demeanor to their stance]
BILL: Oh! That was simple. I dropped my pants and showed her my dick. It makes me laugh all of the time.
[Now for the next couple of minutes or so, both Dan and Harold look at each other with intensity, whispering feverishly back and forth, with the intent of coming up with an amicable solution to Bill's issue. Then suddenly...]
HAROLD: I have a solution Bill. A very simple one in fact. F*ck 'Ghostbusters 3', lets make Groundhogday 3 - the revenge of Puxatony Pete' instead. It'd be just like good old days!
BILL: What? So you don't think that you can help me get my money back from Rick?
DAN: No way. You have a better chance of bringing the dead back to life, like...
Well, it goes something like that anyway.
WHY DOESN'T BILL MURRAY WANT TO STAR IN GHOSTBUSTERS 3?
![WHY DOESN'T BILL MURRAY WANT TO STAR IN GHOSTBUSTERS 3?]()
Reviewed by David Andrews
on
March 20, 2012
Rating:
