THE PINK PANTHER 2

Good moaning. Ma' name iz Inspector Jacques Clouseau of ze Flench boliz. And I'd like tu indroduce yu tu a zlice of zinema zat iz az funni as a bland minki. Zut Alors! Yu no believe mi? Then why don't yu azz Director Harald Zwart; and Actors: Steve Martin, Jean Reno, Andy García, Lily Tomlin, John Cleese, and Emily Mortimer. Especially in 2009 and for 92 minutes. Achoo!!


Pink Panther 2

THE STORY:

Cordon bleu! If it wasn't bad enough that the mysterious cat-burglar known as 'The Tornado' has stolen a number of valuable artifacts from all around the word -- including the fabled Pink Panther diamond from Paris. To make matters even worse, Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Steve Martin) has been asked to investigate this matter as well!

Don't fret though, my friend. A number of notable personages have been persuaded to keep this clueless clown in check. No-no-no! It's not the foppish, Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus (John Cleese), or the politically correct, Yvette Berenger (Lily Tomlin), either. It's a crack squad of 'all-star' detectives comprising of:

• Chief Inspector Randall Pepperidge (Alfred Molina) -- who looks a lot like Doctor Octopus from Spiderman.
• Inspector Vicenzo Brancaleone (Andy García) -- the Italian git that wants to shag Clouseau's secret squeeze, Nicole (Emily Mortimer).
• Sonia Solandres (Aishwarya Rai Bachchan) -- whom reminds' me of a high class hooker I once knew.
• Plus Kenji Mazuto (Yuki Matsuzaki) -- who's some Chinese chap that is very good on computers.

Oh! Wait a minute! I almost forgot to mention someone, haven't I? Clouseau's side-kick, Ponton (Jean Reno). Boy oh boy! What a fool I am! OK, I have to admit, not as foolish as when the 'gang' travel to Rome and accuse the international smuggler, Alonso Avellaneda (Jeremy Irons), that he is the Tornado. But then again, maybe it's on a similar level of foolishness as when Clouseau's sets fire to a restaurant, before doing the Pope some injustice.

Well, I suppose that is most probably why what next transpires all turns to pot when children are dangled out of a Parisian window. As a team falls apart - this film smells like a fart - a cat-burglar is revealed - and at the end of the day a pink diamond is very well concealed. 

THE REVIEW:

Now prior to me poking fun out of 'The Pink Panther 2', please allow me to plonk some filmic-facts on you first. (1) MGM / Columbia released this movie in France and America on the 6th of February, 2009, and out of a $60 million dollar budget, got $75,946,615 million dollars back at the box-office. (2) This is the first Pink Panther production with a number in its title. A 'number 2'. Say no more. (3) The visual 'postcard Paris' look of this picture was inspired by such films as 'The Red Balloon', 'Madeline', and Jacque Tati's version of 'Ratatouille'. (4) Did you know that there are a strange number of coincidences' running through this film? For example: Kevin Kline was replaced by John Cleese in the Inspector Dreyfus role -- who he co-starred with in 'A Fish Called Wanda'. John Cleese and Geoffrey Palmer worked together on an episode of 'Faulty Towers', plus the movies 'Clockwise' and 'Tomorrow Never Dies'. Geoffrey Palmer had a small cameo in 'The Pink Panther Strikes Again' -- which starred Peter Sellers. And Peter Sellers was one of Steve Martin's inspirations, and met him during the premier of 'Revenge of the Pink Panther'. (5) Believe it or not, although this film was set in France, based on a popular French-detective, and had a marginal French cast in it; it was a commercial failure in over there, only lasted a week. (6) The main connection with this film and the previous franchise was the inclusion of the fabled 'Pink Panther Diamond'. Although in this movie it was kept at the National Museum of France, where as in the previous movies it was kept at the National Museum (7) This flick received numerous 'Razzie' nominations. Steve Martin was nominated for 'Worst Actor', whilst the overall production was nominated for worst 'Prequel', 'Remake', 'Rip-Off', and 'Sequel'. (8) The writing duo of Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel -- who penned the scripts for 'Parenthood' and 'City Slickers' -- were hired to 'polish off' the script a year and a half before it was made. (9) Paris was doubled by Boston in certain scenes.

OK, so if you've taken note of my trivia spurge, I'm sure you can guess what I feel about this movie.

Yes. That is correct. I do feel that 'The Pink Panther 2' was pants. But do you know why I feel that it was pants? No. It doesn't have anything to do with my opinions about 'the French'. In fact, I have two French friends. Not living in France. Admittedly. But they did live there not so long ago. 

Well, I find that my disdain for this project is attributed to two things -- history, and my old school friend Clive.

Now where 'history' is concerned, I'm a big fan of the original Peter Sellers movies, and in all honesty I do find it very difficult to take in this new stance on this franchise. Not only does Steve Martin's accent sound too false for my own liking, but the comedy is overt in the execution, the story is of the flimflam variety, and the characters come across like paper-thin facsimiles of what have come before.

Please note, this is where my mate Clive comes onto the scene.

You see, as a young lad, I loved doing impressions of Inspector Clouseau. And over time I was so good at doing it, people always used to ask me to 'Do a Clouseau' again, and again, and again. Until, one day, my mate Clive cottoned on to all this attention I got, and he too tried to 'Do a Clouseau' as well.

However, Clive's 'Clouseau' was as funny as a stroke-victim falling down a stair-well, and his overt and needy attempts at making people laugh, eventually drove me to punch him in the face and perform other impressions instead.

So do you see what I am trying to get at here, dear reader? 'The Pink Panther 2' is like my mate Clive. Needy. Too overt. And needs a smack in the face.

Granted, this film did make me laugh once. It was the scene where John Cleese goes into a restaurant with a pretty woman by his side and asks the waiter 'Have you seen my wife before?'. And then, when the waiter acknowledges his comment with a nod of his head, John replies back to him, stating "Good. Let me know if she arrives, OK?". Also, I did like Steve's relationship with Reno on screen. As you could tell that they were having a genuinely good time performing in front of the camera together.

Shame that the audience could feel the same, huh? This Panther has laid an egg.

THE RATING: C