A man walked into a pub and asked the barman 'What? Is this supposed to be a joke?'. In turn, the barman replied back to the man by saying to him 'No. You came in here in the first place, mate. I didn't ask for your custom'. Now if you don't want to hear how this inane parable ends, then for God's sake, don't watch this 65 minute stand-up gig recorded in 2008. Trust me. It won't help.
Tim Vine - Live - So I Said To This Bloke
- Weak head. Weak back. Weekend.
- I'm afraid to say that that this was the last wig in the wig-shop. It was the last of the Mohicans.
- One armed-butler's: They can give it; they just can't take it back.
- This is an alphabet hand-grenade. If it goes off, it could spell disaster.
- The advantage of easy origami is two-fold.
- During the war my Grandfather couldn't stop scribbling. He was hit by a doodle-bug.
- My Mother used to relentlessly beat me with the telephone. I was always on the receiving end.
- On a DVD there was an option that stated 'deleted scenes'. When I had a look, there was nothing there.
- Ahhhh! Bzzzzz. R and B.
- I said to this bloke 'Do you know that Marie Osmond is going to star in the worst movie ever made?'. He said 'Warn her brothers?'. I said 'I think so'.
- If you put a frog on a trampoline, do they cancel each other out?
- My local police chief did a talk on heroin. Nobody could understand a word he said.
do you call someone from
- Left leg, right leg. Left leg, right leg. That's my running order.
- My vicar suddenly disappeared, so I called missing parsons.
- I'm on the Oliver Twist diet. Oh! It's gruelling.
- A lot of people turn their noses up at cosmetic surgery.
- From now on I'm only going to buy records and not CD's. And that vinyl!
- Do you know what's the same value as gold? Gold.