Oi! You! Are you a f*cking student? I hate students I do. All they do is do things all of the bloody time. Like w*nking and playing dominoes for instance. Heck, one time I saw one of these f*cking-f*cking f*ckers do both of these things at the f*cking same time. Yeah. It was in 1994, and for about 64-minutes. Now f*ck off!
Steve Coogan: Live 'n' Lewd
- A black bloke, a Pakistani, and a Jew, all walk into a pub. Now isn't that a fine example of an integrated culture.
- Do you like my baby? It's a love child. Well, a 'one-night-stand' child to be precise. Don't ask me who the Father is though. I don't really know.
- Oh! He's funny, isn't he? I pissed myself backstage. No. Not because of what he said. I just pissed myself.
see if you can spot the error in the following piece of text, which was
salvaged from a cave in
-- 'Tutankhamun came out of his pyramid, and relentlessly plagued his enemies, before driving off in his green Austin Viva'. Ha! Did you spot the mistake? Giza, Egypt Austinnever made the Viva in green.
- What the f*ck are you all looking at? Burp!
- I'm not a sexist. I'm a radical feminist. You have to be nowadays if you want to get your end away.
- This f*cking student said to me 'I don't want to fight. I'm a pacifist'. I then said back to him 'Those are fighting words, pal'.
- There's plenty of fish in the sea. Get your tackle out, and see what bites.
- Always be polite if you want to chat up the birds. Never say 'Fancy a shag, love'. Say 'Hello love. My name is Paul. Fancy a shag, please'.
- I've had some bad news recently. My Dad died. He had a heart attack whilst watching 'Baywatch'. It's how he would have wanted to go.