Steve Coogan: Live 'n' Lewd Cover Oi! You! Are you a f*cking student? I hate students I do. All they do is do things all of the bloody time. Like w*nking and playing dominoes for instance. Heck, one time I saw one of these f*cking-f*cking f*ckers do both of these things at the f*cking same time. Yeah. It was in 1994, and for about 64-minutes. Now f*ck off!

Steve Coogan: Live 'n' Lewd

Warning. The following live stand-up show, held at the Neptune Theatre, Liverpool, contains very strong language. You can expect to hear twenty-two f*cks, twenty-seven b*stards, and only one c*nt. No. F*ck that. Make that twenty-three f*cks, and the following bunch of c*nts. 

Bernard Righton (Northern Comic)
  • A black bloke, a Pakistani, and a Jew, all walk into a pub. Now isn't that a fine example of an integrated culture.

Pauline Calf (Slapper)
  • Do you like my baby? It's a love child. Well, a 'one-night-stand' child to be precise. Don't ask me who the Father is though. I don't really know.

Duncan Thicket (Amateur Prat)
  • Oh! He's funny, isn't he? I pissed myself backstage. No. Not because of what he said. I just pissed myself.

Ernest Must (Health & Safety Tosser)
  • Let's see if you can spot the error in the following piece of text, which was salvaged from a cave in Giza, Egypt -- 'Tutankhamun came out of his pyramid, and relentlessly plagued his enemies, before driving off in his green Austin Viva'. Ha! Did you spot the mistake? Austin never made the Viva in green.

Paul Calf (Drunken B*stard, And All Round Student Hater)
  • What the f*ck are you all looking at? Burp!
  • I'm not a sexist. I'm a radical feminist. You have to be nowadays if you want to get your end away.
  • This f*cking student said to me 'I don't want to fight. I'm a pacifist'. I then said back to him 'Those are fighting words, pal'.
  • There's plenty of fish in the sea. Get your tackle out, and see what bites.
  • Always be polite if you want to chat up the birds. Never say 'Fancy a shag, love'. Say 'Hello love. My name is Paul. Fancy a shag, please'.
  • I've had some bad news recently. My Dad died. He had a heart attack whilst watching 'Baywatch'. It's how he would have wanted to go.

Now in closing the show, its host, Bernard Righton, introduces the man behind the mask, Steve Coogan, who then soliloquises the audience with some pious rhetoric, before pissing off and getting a curry. Nuff said.

Now I've had a rather tough day of it today. I've had work coming out of my ass. I've had a right ear bashing from the misses. And I've been driven out of my bloody mind, by a shed load of nagging, moaning, and idiots who couldn't arrange a gang-bang in a brothel.

Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge
So, as you might imagine, once this hectic day finally came to a close, I thought to myself, 'What program will be able to lift up my spirits? You know. Something watchable'. Granted, a good Jackie Chan movie first sprang to mind. But then again I didn't want to transmogrify myself into Jackie's filmic shoes. And visualise me beating up on whoever he was beating up on. So instead I said to myself 'Oh! F*ck it. Why don't I just watch something really-really rude'.

And though and behold, 'Steve Coogan - Live 'n' Lewd', was watched, laughed at, and brought my spirits up a right treat.

Steve Coogan and Jackie Chan

Steve Coogan as Paul Calf
Honest to God, comedy fans, I was so charged up after sitting through this very funny nineties gig, I was even able to compile the following Coogan facts. (1) Stephen John Coogan was born on the same day that Pope Paul VI became the first Pope to visit the Western Hemisphere -- the 14th of October, 1965. (2) Not only are his parents Irish, but Steve was taught acting at Manchester's Polytechnic School of Theatre. (3) Out of all the impersonations he did on the satirical puppet show, 'Spitting Image', Steve was most famous for mimicking the Prince of Wales, Prince Charles. (4) Coogan's first film appearance was as a youth in a 1989 wartime drama entitled 'Resurrected'. (5) Some of Steve Coogan's most famous creations include Paul Calf: the unemployed Manchurian wastrel; Alan Partridge: the cheesy radio / television personality; Pauline Calf: Paul's slapper of a sister; and Tony Ferrino: the Portuguese Eurovision Song Contest winner. (6) Due to their similar career paths, Steve was once asked to play the role of Peter Sellers in the bio-pic, 'The Life and Death of Peter Sellers'. But he turned down this offer. He didn't feel worthy of the comparison. (7) In 1999 Steve and his writing partner, Henry Normal, formed 'Baby Cow Productions', and have since become the executive producers on such comedy shows as 'The Mighty Boosh', 'Gavin and Stacey', and 'Human Remains'. (8) How can Stevie-Boy not have a website -- www.coogans-run.co.uk

Steve Coogan as Pauline and Paul Calf

OK. So by now I'm sure you're wondering to yourself why 'Steve Coogan - Live 'n' Lewd', picked up my spirits, aren't you? Does it have anything to do with me being a fan of his since I was a kid at school perhaps? Or was it because I like hearing some really funny characters swearing for comedic effect?

Steve Coogan
Yeah. You've got me, pal. It's both of these things. I can't help it. I am what I am. And what I am is a chap that likes character and personality in his comedy.

I mean, take Steve's 'Paul Calf' character for instance. On the surface he is a very sad looking chap indeed. He looks like a paedophile. He's drunk all of the time. And because he's wasted most of his own life, he resents other people who try to make something of theirs.

Now doesn't that sound like a very miserable archetype to you, pal? However, what Steve does to turn all of this around, is to inject some heart into Paul, and make him both associative and charming by nature.

Granted, this doesn't seem very apparent at face value. Paul just appears like a very brash and vulgar person. Yet, if you really-really listen to what he has to say -- and you can say the same thing about most of Steve's other characters as well -- in actual fact he's poking fun at himself. Here, check this out to see what I mean...

Overall 'Steve Coogan - Live 'n' Lewd' was one very funny show. It was hysterical in places. Crude in others. But by in large it was a program I will watch again after having a very tough day of it.

Ha! Say no more.


STEVE COOGAN - LIVE 'N' LEWD STEVE COOGAN - LIVE 'N' LEWD Reviewed by David Andrews on August 20, 2013 Rating: 5
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