MEANWHILE, IN THE HALL OF DC: “Ya hear this Freakin Animal Man guy? He keeps bugging us, tellin us we need more of that green fella!”. “The Green Arrow guy?”. “No. That other one. Some guy called The Martian Manhunter”. “Oh yeah, I forgot we had him! Jeez, this Animal Man guy is on to something. Let’s make a whole JLA issue about the Martian, and maybe he’ll shut up. " I tell you what. We’ll have Matt Kindt write the damn thing, have Doug Mahnke do the pencils, slap a DC issue and release it October, 2013”. “Dammit, that’s brilliant. Promotions for everyone”.

Using GENERAL terms, answer the following 4 questions about this STORY entitled 'Paradise Lost'.
  • WHAT'S THE MAIN THRUST OF THIS TALE: For some strange reason the Crime Syndicate build a multi-tiered trans-dimensional brainwashing device -- or whatever -- and stick the world’s best in it. Then, for some even stranger reason, they give the arguably weakest and strongest heroes a chance to escape. I think.
  • ARE THE MAIN OBJECTIVES ACHIEVED: Oh definitely! DC puts enough J’onn on the page to make you forget that everything has gone completely cray-cray. Admittedly, you have no idea what’s going on, but that’s not important.
  • ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN: Well, there was that “Not Captain America Lady” chilling with J’onn, trying to be of some use. Sadly, it never really happens. Ops! Spoiler.
  • HOW DOES THIS STORY END: With J’onn giving DC a call in disbelief that he had to take a longer way out while his lady friend walks out untouched. You’d think the extra terrestrial with crazy brain powers wouldn't have to wade through so much mental muck, and yet here we are, wading it all for just a little more understanding.

All in all, what is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?
“Holy cow! I can hear your thoughts! Did I turn psychic?” exclaims Stargirl, hopelessly trying to attain something that will make her a decent hero.

What are the BEST bits about this issue?
(+) Finally, the big green guy has his moment in the sun, and he uses his time rather wisely too. Granted. We don’t get to see much of his powers or his ability to kick actual ass. But still, this doesn't waste your time.
(+) The mental jails for the most part were really well thought out. Watching Flash spaz out and Superman trying to do his trick from his movie were a twisted combination of dark and humorous.
(+) Mahnke’s art is pretty stellar. Despite the main protagonist of this book being stoic most of the time, everyone else has fantastic expressions, from Flash’s stares of despair to the grotesque smugness of Shazam. All of them were well worth it.

What are the WORST bits about this issue?
(-) The mental prisons had some lows to them also. First off, why were there two heroes locked in a relaxing level in the beginning? And Baz going “super angsty terrorist” felt tacked on.
(-) J’onn is a fun character, for sure, yet Stargirl was at her weakest in #8. She is nothing more than an opportunity to draw focus away from an entire book of MMH. Even her very predictable revelation at the end of the book failed to make her any more interesting.

Choose TWO CHARACTERS out of this comic book, and then compare them to WELL KNOWN WOMEN.
MILEY CYRUS AS SHAZAM: You can insert your own 'Wrecking Ball' joke here if you want. They also share the same love for being a full grown adult with the maturity of a small child.

MARTIAN MANHUNTER AS OPRAH: Poor guy is trying to help everyone out. He’s trying to save his comrades, make Stargirl seem relevant, save the day, and still find time to hook everyone up with free cars! There’s no such thing as a quick breather here!

What QUOTE would be appropriate to sum-up this story?
'America is the land of the second chance, and when the gates of the prison open, the path ahead should lead to a better life' -- George W. Bush.

What SONG, THEME-TUNE, or MELODY, would complement this tale, as well as add and extra dimension to it by default?
‘I’M GOING SLIGHTLY MAD’ BY QUEEN. Everyone knows I enjoy Queen every time and all of the time, and the surreal abstract nonsensical vibe fits the comic like a glove.

Well, we only saw a few of these mental prison places, didn't we? And that just begs us to find out where everyone else has been put by the Crime Syndicate. I think I have a good idea though. Next issue we’ll find:

  • Aquaman enslaved as the fry-cook at Long John Silver’s dingy.
  • Batman living in an alternate timeline where every day is either Father’s Day or Mother’s Night.
  • Cyborg trying to upgrade his Operating System to Windows 8.
  • Hal Jordan stuck on the set of the movie, 'Green Lantern 2'.
  • Vibe opening up a vibrator shop in the Red Light District.
  • Hawkman getting plucked by Colonel Sanders.
  • Deadman living in a cemetery.
  • Steve Trevor being continuously raped by a horse.  

Hey! That’s enough rambling from me. Go grab this issue and tell me what you think. Animal Man, out!

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #8 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #8 Reviewed by David Andrews on October 31, 2013 Rating: 5
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