Take that for the story, Jim Starlin, POW! Take that for the art, Yvel Guichet, CRACK! And take that, DC Comics, for masterminding this issue in November, 2013, SPLASH! OK. So who's next? Who else wants to take these sound effects out of my hands, before I fall down this well-placed flight of stairs? THUMP! DONK! CRASH! OUCH!

Using GENERAL terms, answer the following 4 questions about this STORY entitled 'Artefact'.
  • WHAT'S THE MAIN THRUST OF THIS TALE: 'You go and retrieve that powerful yet strange artifact', says A.I. to the Weird, 'Whilst me and the rest of the Stormwatch crew try to keep the evil mechanoid called Mordak at bay'.
  • ARE THE MAIN OBJECTIVES ACHIEVED: Yeah. I suppose this particular mission does go according to plan. More or less. Despite Lobo going AWOL half-way through it.
  • ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN: I farted twice. So does that count?
  • HOW DOES THIS STORY END: With A.I. ready to unveil the true nature behind the Kollectives collective threat.

All in all, what is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?
Picture the scene. Stormwatch are getting blasted, left, right, and center, by the overwhelming forces presented to them, and then, when Lobo suddenly gets hit -- ARGHHH!!! -- A.I. says to the rest of the team...

'It's only Lobo. He will regenerate. Press on'.

Ha! You've got to love careless comments during combat. Right, folks?

What are the BEST bits about this issue?
(+) OK. I admit. Even though it never added anything to the overall plot of this tale, that's not to say I didn't enjoy that scene where Lobo ran away from the battle raging around him. Ha! That Lobo. What a loon. And so in character for him too.
(+) One of the most important and refreshing aspects about this cosmic adventure, is the simple fact that its conceptual premise was so easy to follow. For instance: whilst Stormwatch fight's some bad-guy, one of their team-mates, the Weird, has to retrieve some relic to help save mankind.  
(+) Oh! And while I'm on the subject of the Weird, that quirky scene where he tried to retrieve the artifact was a right blast for yours truly. Honestly. Not only did it break up the action scenes from the exposition scenes, but it also threw a bit of fun into the mix to boot.
(+) Now can someone out there please explain to me how powerful Jenny Soul really is? Is she stronger than Superman? The Marian Manhunter? The Spectre? Or does her youth temper her actual resolve? Making her incrementally more superior as time ticks on?

What are the WORST bits about this issue?
(-) Considering I do love a good etching here and there, all in all, I'm more of a story-man than an art-man myself. You see, sometimes plot means more to me than pictures and poses, despite the industry measuring them both in more equal portions. However, whilst saying all that, at the same time I do feel that a good artist can elevate a story on occasion, by giving the conceptual narrative some extra added substance and plot. Regrettably, though, Yvel Guichet isn't really doing that on Stormwatch at the moment. Sorry, pal. It's just that in my eyes your work is a bit rushed on the page. And doesn't really have that panache and scope a title such as this one desperately needs.

Choose TWO CHARACTERS out of this comic book, and then compare them to FRUIT.
A PUMPKIN AS A.I.: Hey! Did you know that eating pumpkin seeds can help you boost your own brain-power? Yeah. No kidding. The radishes told me so. So it must be true.  

A BLUEBERRY AS MORDAK: Something else the radishes told me is that blueberries can also help you boost your brain-power as well. Some say more so than others.

What QUOTE would be appropriate to sum-up this story?
'My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can' -- Cary Grant

What SONG, THEME-TUNE, or MELODY, would complement this tale, as well as add and extra dimension to it by default?
WEAPON OF CHOICE BY FATBOY SLIM: Do I need to write anything here to justify why I think this song is so perfect for this tale? Click on the clip provided, and you'll know the reasons behind my selection.

Salutations people of Earth. I am the Kollective. And I would like to take this opportunity to inform you why I keep on pissing about with time.

You see, when I was a sprocket in my dear old Mums hatchet, she'd always say to me 'Son. Never get married. Being with people is a f*cking waste of time. I remember when I first met your father, my God, what a pile a cr*p he was. But still. I went with him, didn't I? And look where I am now? Shame'.

Now I took my mothers musings at face-value, and decided to literally 'waste time' by 'f*cking with people'. First I tampered about with Mickey Mouse's ears. Then I dumped a whole lot of crude oil in the Middle East. Before finally I eventually took the plunge into the time-steam, and dedicated my life to causing problems for the shear hell of it.

Alright. I know that some people might surmise I've ironically wasted my own time by literally wasting time. But hey! The hours are good. I'm my own boss. Plus my dental plan is to die for.

Oh! Wait a minute! That reminds me. I best shoot off now because I have some more people to kill. However, before I go, lets me just say that this issue of 'Stormwatch' reminded me of a pregnant camel. Easy to follow. Strange to look at. Yet I'm sure at the end of the day it will get to where it needs to go.

Nuff said.

STORMWATCH #25 STORMWATCH #25 Reviewed by David Andrews on November 25, 2013 Rating: 5
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