The Business Cover Oi, you. Yes. You. You ugly looking twat. What are you gawping at? Me? Or this 97 minutes made gangster film recorded  in 2005? Yeah. This one directed by some tosser called Nick Love; and stars a couple of Nancy-boys named Danny Dyer, Tamer Hassan, Georgina Chapman, with Geoff Bell. Oh! Its me then? Fair enough.

The Business

Now I thought that it would be a bloody cracking idea to piss off to sunny Spain, and get away from all of my troubles back home in not so sunny South London. 'Frankie (Danny Dyer)' I said to myself, 'who needs agro and all of that sh*t. At least this way you'll get a brand new start, and a pretty good chance to get your leg over once in a while'.

But no. Like a right tosser I was completely off the mark. Wasn't I? I got my leg over. Sure. Yet in the same breath I also met a couple dodgy looking geezers who wanted to smash my f*cking face in.

Hey! Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about Charlie (Tamer Hassan). He's a blinding bloke he is. He lets me drive around in his car like a right Jack the lad, and work in his night club whilst he's off tending to business. I'm talking about his partner instead. Sammy (Geoff Bell). Who can't stand the sight of me because his bird, Carly (Georgina Chapman), wants to get into my pants.

Well, that's if I've got any pants left, that is. You see, over time my life begins to spiral out of blinking control. Drugs enters my life. Charlie and Sammy have a barney. Me and Carly grow closer and closer together. And worst still, the Mayor of the Spanish Village I live in, Gonzales-or-something, doesn't like the idea of us smuggling cocaine onto his shores.

Still. That's most probably why what next transpires happens six months later, after everything goes tits up and we have to lay low for a little while in Morocco. As reunions are a bitch - payback has a hitch - ploys turn to sh*t - and pay-offs aren't a very big hit.

OK. So who wants to go to Hollywood?

Now it’s 'Scarface' meets 'Goodfellas' care of 'Chas and Dave' in this Brit-tastic gangster film involving South Londoners in Spain. Your having me on, ain’t cha? Cor blimey! Mi misses will ’av a barney if she lets mi ‘av a gander at dat flick!!!!! Or for those of you who are not of the 'South London persuasion' -- unlike myself -- oh no, my wife will not be pleased if I look at this film.

Danny Dyer in the Business
OK. I'm sure some of you out there are wondering to yourselves why I strayed into my colloquial vernacular with my preceding statement. Right, folks? Well, this is to illustrate to you how someone other than a ‘Londoner’ would perceive this film -- 'The Business'.

Granted, at a baser level it's a tale about a wannabe player who inadvertently falls into a partnership not of his own making. Aided and abetted by a pair of ying / yang gangsters with a pretty damsel in toe.

Whilst, from another perspective, it's a brash 'lad's mag movie' which has a spring in it's step and speaks from the gutter and not from it's head.

Obviously, this type of conveyance was not a problem for someone like myself (a nutter). And I have to say that I warmed up to this type of talking because I'm generally quite used to it.

On the reverse side of this argument, though, such swear words as, 'f**k', 'c**t', 'to**er', plus 'w**k me like a nun', did leave a bitter taste in my mouth on occasion. As most of the actors did use these terms quite a lot.

Though, of course, I did persevere. Ha!

Danny Dyer and Georgina Chapman in the Business

But what about the rest of the world I wonder? Hmmm? Maybe this film was not marketed for those parts of the globe where 'c**t' is used as a term of affection? Then again, maybe the opposite is also true? And this type of slang is thought of as something charming or quaint to behold? Nonetheless, whatever the case may be, this is only a minor conveyance overall, because on the whole this is a very good film, and much better than what I originally expected.

Conceptually 'The Business' highlights a lifestyle that some people would crave for, and tells a rise and a fall of a hopeful gangster with no direction in his life. Moreover, Danny Dyer and the rest of the cast do a bang up job of conveying this narrative. Complemented with a Scorsese-esque voice over narration provided by Danny himself, plus a Scorsese-influenced backing-track provided by many a eighties English pop band.

Tamer Hassan in the Business
Here. Check out these filmic facts to get a better gist of this flick. (1) 'Path√©' first screened this £2 million pound production on the 2nd of September, 2005, and clawed back £1.5 million pounds at the box office. (2) Loosely translated, this project was entitled 'The Paradise of Crime' in Portugal; 'Organisation' in Turkey; and 'Delivery' in Argentina. (3) As expected, most of this movie was shot on location in Granada, Spain; and London, England. (4) One of the two taglines used to promote this picture, was, 'Good fellows in the sun'. Whilst the other one's not worth mentioning really. It's something about blow. (5) In 2007 the one time model, Georgina Chapman, married the big time movie producer, Harvey Weinstein. Wow! What a lucky millionaire! (6) The first film Nick Love directed was called 'Love Story', and he was born on Christmas Eve, 1969. (7) Danny first met his wife, Joanna, when he was a fourteen year old lad at school, and they've been together ever since. Ahhhhh! Bless. (8) Tamer Hassan once said "Acting is for mugs", and he grew up in New Cross, South-East London. (9) Tamer and Geoff have both starred in the serialized British cop-drama ,'The Bill'.

Danny Dyer and Tamer Hassan in the Business

Overall 'The Business' is a very good film. It's well acted. It's well directed. It's well produced. Plus it has a little bit of how’s ya’ father thrown in for good measure. Know what I mean, Dan you c**t?

F*ck ya then.