'Don't you worry about me, Jack (David Bradley)' said my brother Phillip (Todd Jensen) just before he went off on some top secret mission in
'I'm sure this deal will be a walk in the park for me and my guys' he
continued. 'Cause all we have to do is defend a small little village from a
But no. I'm afraid to say that Phillip was wrong, folks. Very-very wrong. Especially when you take into consideration that most of his men turn up dead, whilst Philip himself suddenly goes missing in action.
So what do I do about it? Huh? Just sit at home and blow-dry my shoulder-length jet-black wavy-hair? Hmm. Maybe later. But first, I take the first airplane over there, and try my best to figure out what the hell is going on all by myself.
Well, when I say 'all by myself', after the local authorities try to bust me for some trumped-up drug charge, a journalist called Cathy (Alonna Shaw) dogs my every move, until I reluctantly allow her to tag along with me on my quest.
Anyway, as I was saying, eventually I manage to discover what's really been going on with my bro. As it looks like he must have crossed paths with some tosser called Kessel (John Rhys-Davies), who has found a way of constructing Cyborgs from dead flesh, and is using them as mercenaries he can sell to the highest bidder.
Still. That's most probably why what next transpires all kicks off when a Cyborg attacks. As Cathy gets snatched - my brother gets patched - a machine gets scratched - and at the end of the day, the bad-guys are completely outmatched.
Now I'm pretty damn sure some of you out there are wondering how 'Cyborg Cop' measures up to 'Robocop'. Well, simply put, it doesn't even come close, pal. Heck, I'd go so far as to say that this film is nothing more than a luck warm version of 'Maniac Cop'.
Yeah. I'm not messing about. From my point of view it's not as good because the production values were low, the acting was nth rate to say the least, an all in all -- ouch -- I'd give this one a miss if you're looking for something spectacular and jazzy.
Apart from that though, here, check out this bullet-point summation for my low-down on this film. (1) Now I'm not too sure if this was a deliberate stylisation, but there were quite a few scenes scattered throughout this movie, which felt rather lacklustre and obtuse in execution. You see, for some strange reason certain sections appeared almost too 'fish eye' in focus, whilst other sections appeared very jagged, because the jump cuts from one scene to the next, flipped erratically, and not smoothly. (2) If you've watched this adventure you might have noticed that there is a lab in it which looks very similar to the Bat-Cave seen in the camp sixties television show. Ouch! This didn't feel right to me at all. If anything, it felt very misplaced within the confines of this flick. (3) The story -- for use of a better word -- was one of those tales you've most probably seen in many-many other eighties films before. Younger brother gets kidnapped. Older brother goes to the rescue. Sh*t happens. Yadda-Yadda-Yadda. Hiccup. The End. Yawn. Zzzzzz. (4) Another thing about this film I wasn't too keen on was the way in which you could tell how certain special effects were obviously framed and shot, in accordance to the action taking place. For instance, there is a scene where a persons arm is being cut off by a laser. But instead of seeing the arm, the man, and the laser in the same frame, there is a close up shot of the arm being cut off, purposefully alluding to the manner in which it was filmed. (5) Normally I don't mind watching a 'love making' scene, especially if it adds something to the overall narrative or premise. In this case though -- nah -- it added nothing at all, except for an excuse to see Alonna Shaw's perfect tits. (6) On a more positive note, there were a couple of comical and jovial scenes that did prop this film up a notch or two in my own estimations. Particularly those involving John Rhys-Davies, wink-wink-wink!
Overall 'Cyborg Cop' is no 'Robocop'. The story was tried and tested. The special-effects were simple in tone. And generally speaking, I'd only watch this film if you were a die hard fan of this simple eighties genre.
THE RATING: C-