HALF A LOAF OF KUNG FU

It's a little known fact that people who practice martial arts have to eat an awful lot of wholemeal bread. Well, not just bread, they've also got to take a large bite out of this 97-minute movie made in 1980. One Directed by: Chi-Hwa Chen; and Starring: Jackie Chan, Chung-erh Lung, with James Tien. Go on. You have a bite too. You never know, you might like it.


Half a Loaf of Kung Fu

THE STORY:

So you think you're some sort of 'tough guy' because on two separate occasions you managed to trick the Mistress and the Warlord into thinking you can do the old kick and punch, eh?

But you're not so tough, are you, Jiang (Jackie Chan)? I've seen you loitering about. You're nothing more than a lucky acrobat who was able witness the death of a bandit from afar, and pretend you did the deed, despite it physically being done by the now deceased 'whipping hero' who actually did it.  

Having said that, though, since I'm a martial arts master and you do seem to have a lot of potential, me and my pupil will teach you how to fight, but only after you go into town and find my mate, Fong (Chung-erh Lung), and help him transport his loot far-far away from here.

Yeah. I thought you'd accept my proposition, Jiang. Still. That's most probably why what next transpires all kicks off when I notice James Tien starring in this movie. As a coffee shop scene is rather too long - an ambush spells doom and gloom for my mate Fong - the girls in this picture have a great pair of dongs - and at the end of the day Jiang learns how to play the old billabongs.

THE REVIEW:

Now if I had to sum up my feelings for 'Half a Loaf of Kung Fu' with one single phrase, that phrase would have to be... 'Oh, dear'.

Yes. That's correct, dear readers. Once again we're venturing into dodgy dubbing, bad wing, and silly story territory. Honestly. I've got to say this film falls flat on its ass within the remit of these three separate aspects. The dubbing was so crap it actually distracted me from watching this adventure. The wigs were so stupid looking I couldn't help but laugh whenever one was presented on screen. And as for the story in itself -- ouch! -- how the hell do I describe that?

To me, it was one of those plot-lines that darted about all over the place so much, at times I wasn't entirely sure what the f*ck was happening. One minute it was about Jackie's character trying to learn kung fu. The next minute it was about some bad guys who wanted to steal a 'magic potion' from Jackie's eventual pals'. The minute after that it was about Jackie pretending to be some sort of hero that he clearly wasn't. And finally it was about two brothers and a father who also wanted to get in on the aforementioned shenanigans.

Oh! And as for the so-called 'learning curve' Jackie's character was supposed to reach throughout the arc of this film, well, that was as jumpy as the plot-line previously presented. Not realistic at all. And came across as very sudden and very curious when Jackie ultimately had to show what he had on offer.

Granted, in contrast to my negativity, there were certain things about this flick I didn't mind watching. Like some of the fight scene's for instance. Especially the last one. Despite it being somewhat long-winded in execution, there was a very funny moment with Jackie where he tried to learn how to fight whilst fighting the end-villain, and accidentally pulled his wig off in the process. Also, here and there, there were some very humorous moments with Jackie where he pretended to be the tough guy he obviously wasn't supposed to be, regardless of him getting kicked about whilst doing so.

Anyway. That's enough of that for the moment, folks. Here. Let's have some filmic facts. (1) 'Lo Wei Motion Picture Company' first released this production on the 1st of July, 1978, and eventually clawed back $1.5 million HK dollars at the Mandarin box office. (2) Loosely translated, this project was entitled 'The Protective' in France; 'Karate Bomber' in Germany'; and 'An Electronic Public Pool Production to Hong Kong' in its native oriental language. (3) The co-director of this movie, Chi-Hwa Chen, has made two cameo appearances in two of Jackie Chan's other filmic-works. This includes the 1991 adventure, 'Operation Condor', and the 1981 classic, 'Police Story'. (4) Lo Wei, who was one of the two producers assigned to this flick, was once a matinee idol, with known ties to the nefarious crime syndicate, the Triads. (5) According to his own biography, this was the first full-length-feature in which Lo Wei gave Jackie Chan full creative control over a project he starred in. (6) Not only did Frankie Chan Fan-kei compose the music for this movie, but if you've ever watched Sammo Hung's 'The Prodigal Son', he was also the final-fight bad-guy Yuen Biao faced at the end of the flick. (7) Ming Chi Tang has only ever scripted three films throughout his somewhat sparse career. This one in 1980, 'Kung Fu Shadow' in 1977, and 'The Lascivious Tang Po-Hu' in 1987. (8) After this flick sprang a leak, Jackie Chan starred in the American action-adventure, 'The Big Brawl'; Chung-erh Lung starred in the Taiwanese drama, 'Jade Fox'; and Jeong-Nam Kim decided to retire from the acting profession altogether.

Overall I'd say 'Half a Loaf of Kung Fu' is for die hard Jackie Chan fans only. The story was as muddled as a bowl of noodles. The production values looked as appetizing as a plate of dead fish-heads. And the only thing this flick has going for it, is that it didn't have a bad aftertaste once digested.

Nuff said.

THE RATING: C+