JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #13

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[ NOT THE SAME SALE AGAIN!
Okay. So try to imagine the film 'Inception', but make it as horrible as horrible can be. In fact, make it so bloody horrible, the plot becomes messy and hard to follow, with Ellen Page playing a psychic green martian, and with Marion Cotillard playing a weird sunburned fishman. Plus, on top of all that, they're trying to get you to the top of the spinning scene, but you fell asleep somewhere around the same time the characters in the movie did. Now why did you waste your time imagining this, eh? Why did I read this comic book? Why am I asking you all these questions? Check this out to see why.

To QUOTE Harry from Fast Food Nation: 'We all have to eat a little shit from time to time'.

THE STORY:
OK. So Stargirl is fighting Despero, when suddenly she has a flashback and then there's a bomb and then everyone is free but then they're not free, and then parent-time-and-more-tears-and-J'onn-talks-abunch-and... and... and... aaahhhhAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

The whole story is either best described as a series of shitty incomplete thoughts, or the worst run-on sentences ever conceived.

THE GOOD:
Leaked footage of me trying to write this review. Sorry. It's all I could come up with really.




Oh! The end piece at the back of the book about Supergirl becoming a Red Lantern was rather amusing. I mean, if I read Red Lantern... ohhhhhhh!

THE BAD:
Now I pretty much didn't like anything about this comic to the point of it being near unreadable. The plot was disjointed like the remains of a road kill gopher. What little coherence to be found was rushed and paced like the Flash overdosing on espressos. Stargirl's family made for an... coff-coff... unbelievable scene. Plus Martian Manhunter's arrival was poorly executed, just like that cajun guy from the Green Mile (okay, enough shitty analogies).

Also, why is Firestorm in this? Did that scene really need to exist? And the art doesn't give off a sense of effort like earlier works did either.  Not that anyone can be really blamed.

Overall, I feel the crew is totally exhausted. From experiencing this series from start to finish, I can only imagine that they -- whether or not they were backing the Forever Evil pitch at the beginning -- have grown irritated by the evident necessity to stay attached to it.

THE MUSIC:
Please click on the following video clip from the Mel Brooks film, 'Blazing Saddles'. In it you'll be able to hear the song, 'I'm So Tired', sung by Lilly Von Schtoopit. Seriously. Just replace the sex innuendos with all my whines and gripes, and it's the musical adaptation of this review.




THE COMPARISON:
I'm reading '2001: A Space Odyssey' at the moment. I haven't seen the movie yet, but in the book, a tribe of neanderthals kill a warthog by bashing its head in, pummeling it past the point of a mushy pulp, where it no longer even resembles anything that was ever capable of living.

I think you know where I'm going with this.

THE CONCLUSION:
I think I've written the same conclusion for the past several issues. Yet is it plagiarism if you plagiarize yourself? How many ways can I tell you it stinks?

'Forever Evil' was a great idea as a standalone run. I understood the novel concept of joining all the New 52 under one roof, but the best issues are the ones that just ignore the canon issues, like Wonder Woman, early Batwoman, and Animal Man.

Justice League of America had something going for itself, but sadly couldn't make anything of it because it was way too busy bending over backwards to accommodate a silly side mini-series.

Everyone has suffered for it. Jeff Lemire has to pick up the MMH and Stargirl pieces for his Justice League United series. Firestorm and Justice League Vanilla are stuck in a stupid trap. Plus the whole title was underutilized by default.

So, in the end, use my suffering and learn to steer clear. That's enough from me, folks. Animal Man, out!