BATMAN - FUTURES END #1

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Many years in the future the world will be changed forever more. Scott Snyder will wear brightly colored clothing. Ray Fawkes will play the banjo left-handed. Aco will shorten his name to 'A'. And DC Comics will try to remember where they left their car keys, in September, 2014. It was right behind the sofa, stupid!!!!

To QUOTE Fuzzy Zoeller: 'Vodka does not ease back pain. But it does get your mind off it'.

THE STORY:
Now who do you think is crazy enough to break into a LexCorp genetics lab five years in the future? Why yes, dear reader. You're right on the money, Ka-Ching!!!! It's the star of this show, Batman. Or to be more specific about it, a slightly older Batman with a broken back, who's in dire need of some sort of 'top secret formula' to cure whatever ails him.  

And does he succeed? No. I'm not going to tell you that, am I? What I'm going to do instead is insinuate that a clone of Superman is at hand to either resolve or add to this dilemma.  God speed!!!!!




THE GOOD:
On its own merit this issue of Batman was a pretty decent read. Scott and Ray's story-line was a very simple and engrossing one to follow. Plus I did like the way they set up the general narrative very early on, as well as all of those references to Niles Caulder, Mister Terrific, Ted Kord, plus the rest of Bat-family.

I also have to applaud Aco's great style of art-work as well. In my eyes his style of illustration came across in a similar vein as Frank Miller's and Michael Lark's style. Not implying that Aco is trying to emulate them of course. Yet I'm sure if you ever pick up this book -- or look at that image provided -- you can clearly see what I'm trying to say here.

As for the rest of this issue on the other hand, yeah, it was OK. Just OK. Nothing spectacular but it did enough on its own to make it -- as I said previously -- a pretty decent read.  A read, I might add, that involved a Batman who broke his back when Superman had a hissy fit over in the SUPERMAN  / BATMAN one-shot, and is now trying to get his back, back on track, by sneaking into LexCorps 'Ninja Style'.

Hmmm. Don't they have Osteopaths in the future then? Or better yet, a very-very good spinal surgeon?

THE BAD:
Some of you might have guessed by now that I haven't been picking up all of these 'Futures End' one-shots. Well, why the hell bother, eh? Most of them seem to be 'filler' or a 'stop gap' from one story-arc to the next. Plus to some extent, even though I have enjoyed some of them -- which I have in this case -- as push comes to shove you can never be a hundred percent certain if they're relevant within the 'bigger picture' -- so to speak.

And from my point of view that is precisely where this issue of Batman lays. It's a good issue, but does it bare any relation to whatever else is happening elsewhere? And if it does, why isn't it sign-posted accordingly? Or are we all expected to pick up every single chapter?

THE MUSIC:
Conceptually this comic book is about someone who needs to jump through hoops so he can find a cure to abate his ailing medical condition.  So how about I musically match it up to the Pink rock anthem, 'Just Like A Pill', because they're both about this very same thing.

Kind of. Ish.




THE COMPARISON:
Now following on from what I said in my music section, I feel compelled to compare this escapade to a pharmacy service for prisoners. Hey! Don't laugh. You know it makes sense. Especially if you saw what Bruce had to go through in this tale!

THE CONCLUSION:
At the very end of this issue Batman unveils to Alfred a possible cure for his medical based predicament. So just for fun, can you guess what it is out of the following eight options? I mean, could it be...

  1. Some sort of widget that allows you to watch television and play with your Iphone simultaneously -- Hey! It might be fun?
  2. A pill that can cure his back and make him have sex for hours at a time -- called Viag-back [please insert laughter here].
  3. An old recipe for Won-Ton soup -- Well, I am hungry you know.
  4. A youtube clip of a cute kitten chasing its own tail -- [insert pussy joke here]
  5. Ten naked women with very loose morals -- See options 1 to 4 for more details.
  6. A clone of Superman -- so he can clone himself later on down the line.  
  7. A till receipt showing how much money DC are making out of these 'Futures End' one-shot's -- Trust me. You don't want to know.
  8. Barry Manilow -- Yessss! There is a God!

Nuff said.