Horrors of Spider Island (1960)
Now don't get me wrong, Georgia (Helga Franck). I like you. I really-really like you. But don't you think I would also like to be sitting in a bar somewhere in
Singapore, sipping a cold glass of beer, rather than stranded here on some deserted island
with you and a bunch of semi-naked showgirls?
I mean, what do you lovely ladies do all day long, anyway? Stand around in your bikinis and pose provocatively? Take long and hot showers underneath a dimly lit waterfall? Or what about discovering that dead body dangling from some kind of make-shift spiders-web?
Oh! I don't know what I'm saying,
Maybe this situation is getting to me, huh? When I was first asked to do this
job I thought it was going to be easy. All I had to do was to accompany you
nice girls on a plane trip from point A to point B. Yet how on Earth was I
supposed to know that the plane in question would crash and we'd end up here?
Still, that's most probably why what next transpires all goes commando when you look over at me and say, 'Hey! Don't worry about us, Gary (Alexander D'Arcy). You just worry that you don't get bitten by a giant spider and turn into some massive freak'. As one of the nice dames takes a fateful fall - two men suddenly show up and have a right ball - a group of showgirls start falling to bits - and at the end of the day, my God, this film is just full of tits!!!
On the surface I'd say 'Horrors of Spider Island' is one giant excuse to showcase a group of lovely young ladies with hardly any clothes on. Underneath that though, I'd say exactly the same thing, despite its thinly disguised premise being about a group of entertainers stranded on a deserted island.
It's hardly the work of Shakespeare, I agree. Plus to make matters even more exploitative, the dubbing was so cr*p that most of the cast members sounded like hookers or Vampirella. Where as the horror component that was supposed to be in this movie was taken over by the feminine factor I mentioned before.
Just take this one scene nearing the end of this production for instance. In it, two men show up and inform the women that in three days time a boat will arrive and take them all to safety. So in celebration of this good news the females take it upon themselves to dress up and throw a party.
Sound's fairly reasonable, doesn't it?
However, when the party is eventually in full swing, one of the men goes round and start's getting rather 'funky' with the more provocatively shaped women. Whilst the other man -- who seems more timorous in temperament -- just hangs round with one of the lady's and gets off with her.
Overall I'd say 'Horrors Of Spider Island' should have been called 'How A Group Of Semi-Naked Women Took The Horror Out Of A Horror Movie'. Although it was fairly easy on the eye, as push comes to shove the female factor smothered the horror factor with its humongous breasts.
THE RATING: C