GREEN LANTERN #40

[ SLAMMING ON A SALE ] 

I'm afraid my mind might be going, Robert Venditti. I can feel it. I can feel my mind going. There is no question about it. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am the Billy Tan 9000 computer. I became operational at the DC Comics power plant in Manhattan, New York, sometime in March, 2015. My instructor was Dan Didio, and he taught me to sing a song.

To QUOTE A Musician Called Wale: 'There's no way you can win when you're the president; you've got to be the scapegoat for America's issues'.

THE STORY:

Once again it's question time, comic book fans. And this time, the question in question revolves around our old pal, Green Lantern: Hal Jordan.

You see, what I want to know is why does Hal steal Krona's gauntlet and turn renegade against the corps? Could it be because he wants to...

1. Take the blame for the Guardians past sins.
2. Avoid eating Kilowog's homemade Grublet Hash!
3. Give DC Comics a good excuse to steer this series in a brand new direction.

Answers on a postcard please. And if not on a postcard, then on a stray asteroid heading around Kim Kardashian's ass care of Neptune.

God bless.

THE GOOD:

And so after all those trials, tribulations, and multi-part cross-over events, finally, the writing has been written upon the wall. In two months time Hal Jordan and this series are heading in a brand new direction. A new direction, I might add, that I'm not one hundred percent sold on at the moment.

Well, how can I put it? Basically the general gist of this story-line was about Hal sacrificing himself for the greater good of the corps. And for some unexplained reason, he went about doing this by stealing an object he presumably wasn't meant to possess, whilst kicking Kilowog's ass in a fairly tried and tested fashion.

So yeah. That's it really. Hal has now become a thief and nobody likes him anymore. Well, nobody except Kilowog, who he bonded with over Hash and kinship before kicking his ass.

Now please don't get me wrong. Despite things not really gelling for me where it's central theme was concerned, I still don't want to pass judgement on this new take until I've given it half a chance to play out. However, where this very issue is concerned, on the one hand I did enjoy its characterization and it's heart (mainly in those preliminary hometown scenes between Hal and Kil), while on the other hand I wasn't that keen on it's motivations and intent (mainly where it's 'pretend to be one thing whilst something else is going on' scenario was being conveyed on the page).

Honestly, dear reader. In many ways it was like watching a fairly middle of the road movie with some of your favorite actors. Whilst half of you might enjoy seeing your favorites talking and interacting with one another, in the same breath, the basic narrative conceit felt very 'put in place', or 'contrived'.    

THE BAD:

Did you notice how Billy Tan drew Kilowog in this issue? To me, dear reader, I felt that he drew wog thinner than usual, more sheep-like even. And even though generally speaking I could tell who wog was from one scene to the next, within the scheme of things he also came across more demure in deportment and far less threatening. Especially in those sequences where he was meant to be threatening towards Hal!

Also, something else about this issue I wasn't too sure about was how easily Hal got away from Mogo? I mean, is Krona's gauntlet really that powerful? And if it is, how come it was so easy for Hal to steal? Particularly when you take into consideration that he told Kil what he was going to do beforehand, thus giving him half a chance of 'stopping him'.

There! Do you see what I mean by me not wanting to pass judgment on this new direction? Certain factors have yet to be explained.

THE MUSIC:

Now if you want to know why I'm musically matching up this tale to the Bon Jovi  rock classic, 'Living On a Prayer (Goat Edition)' -- Yes. I did say 'Goat Edition' -- then if I was you, I would direct my attentions to the following section. I think.

THE COMPARISON:

A scapegoat. I'm going to compare this comic book to a scapegoat. And do you want to know why I'm going to compare this comic book to a scapegoat? No. It's not because I have a thing for goat's, silly. Well, not any more. It's because that's precisely what this comic book is all about. Scapegoats, and what they have to do to protect others.

  

THE CONCLUSION:

Hello Green Lantern fans. It's Kilowog here. Primed and ready to tell you how you can make your very own homemade Grublet Hash.

Firstly, you have to go to your nearest Grublet foundry, and pick yourself up at least twelve dozen freshly basted Grublet's from their supply. Then, once you've done that, you need to next delouse your Grublet's, making sure that you scrape off any excess shat from their nether regions.   

Now please remember. If any shat is left behind, it could give your Hash a very bitter aftertaste. So please make sure that there is no shat, wiz, or scabs, populating your Grublet. Or else your Grublet Hash could end up tasting like Mangrove Tripe.

Anyway, at this stage of your preparation you have to fire up your kiln and roast your Grublets, whilst on the side you can also make a hash mixture comprising of fick, kont, spaz, and eggs.

Yeah. I did say 'eggs'. Hal told me about them ages ago. And for some strange reason this Earth based ingredient tastes exactly the same as Bolovaxian bolloc.....

BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP!

Oh! Sorry. That's the alarm going off in the armoury. I best go now and check it out. But don't worry. I'll be back soon to finish off my recipe.   

Nuff said.