CONVERGENCE - JUSTICE LEAGUE #1

[ LADIES NIGHT. SHOPPING DAY ] 

The universe is a vast and complicated organism, comprising of endings, beginnings, as well as a tall man called Clive, who has that nasty habit of telling you how a story ends. Thankfully, not the following story written by Frank Tieri; illustrated by Vicente Cifuentes; and published by DC Comics, in April, 2015.

To QUOTE My Cousin, Regina The Vagina: 'Stop looking at my tits'.

THE STORY:

You know the old expression: Every cloud has a silver lining? Well, can someone please explain to me the silver lining in Jesse Quick giving birth to her baby boy on the exact same day Gotham City got caged-in by cosmic forces?

Yeah! It happened over a year ago! On the eve of Jesse's baby shower where the baby in question came out sooner than he should.

Thankfully, Supergirl, Jade, Vixen, Mera, and Zatanna were at hand to make sure Jesse got to the hospital on time. And now, still caged in present day Gotham City, they're still at hand when a certain aquatic sea king -- who's a bit of a nutter -- accepts a challenge from the previously mentioned cosmic forces.

Mera, your husband wants his sushi served on a blood soaked plate. Yuck!

THE GOOD:

If I had to give this comic book marks out of ten, I'd most probably give it something between six and a half and seven.

Why? Well, simply put, overall it wasn't such a bad book to read. In fact I'd say it was a fairly good-bad book to read.

Considering their depictions had a fairly cheesy tone to them, Frank's story and Vicente's artwork was very pleasant to follow. Considering he's wearing an orange vest, Earth-Naughty's Aquaman came across as a somewhat sinister and imposing villain. And considering they all looked like they should be swim-wear models, the nice female members of Earth-Previous managed to show a lot of character throughout it's telling.

Apart from that though, well, yeah. That's about it. This was a rather nice Convergence spin-off. Nice, like the 'Golden Girls' were nice back in the day. Telling a story about a new birth, a new villain, and what six very nice looking ladies got up to for a whole year whilst caged in a city not there own.

Must be like visiting Alaska, eh? But with more character, and a less flatter surface, ha!

THE BAD:

One of my main gripes with this adventure were all those cheese-cake poses strewn throughout it's account. I mean, do we really need to see these fine ladies staring off into the distance, or provocatively posing on the side of the page, to tell this adventure? No. No we don't. In some ways I was hoping that this all female group would act and behave more naturally than what you see on the TV or the cinemas.

Now don't get me wrong. The posing wasn't so bad that it took me out of the story being told. Although on occasion I couldn't help but grimace at the sight of what I said before.

Also, something else I wasn't too keen on; was the pretext given to explain away why these female heroes arrived in Gotham City. Yes. I know they needed to be there or else the story couldn't have been told (Damn you editorial edict!). Yet, how many times during this event are we going to hear the expression 'Phew! Thank God I'm in Gotham City. Now I can etcetera-etcetera-etcetera' (as uttered in this months issue of 'Speed Force').

THE MUSIC:

If you want to know why I'm musically matching up this adventure with the song, 'Wannabe', presumably sung by the Spice Girls, then if I was you, I'd check out the following section.

THE COMPARISON:

OK. So have you played the aforementioned song? Good. Then by now you'd know there's a lyric in it that stated, 'If you wanna be my lover, you have to get with my friends'. Or in this instance, relating to this actual comic book, 'If you wanna be my lover, you have to fend off my friends'. Therefore, Vixen is Scary-Spice, Mera is Ginger-Spice, Jade is Sporty-Spice, Zatanna is Posh-Spice, Jesse is Baby-Spice, and Kara is the much forgotten, Too Much Spice, who tragically committed suicide by sniffing her own elbow.  

Yes. That is correct, dear reader. I'm comparing this tale to the Spice Girls. May God have mercy on my soul!

THE CONCLUSION:

Wasn't it good news to finally see Jesse Quick giving birth to her and Ricks new bouncing baby boy? But, prey tell, what name do you think they've given this small child? Something relevant I hope. Something like...

1. Rex Tyler -- named after Rick's Dad, the original Hourman.
2. Bonnie Tyler -- named after the singer who sung the 80's power ballad, 'Total Eclipse of The Heart'.
3. Steven Tyler -- father of Liv, and singer in the rock band, 'Aerosmith'.
4. Bathroom Tyler -- Well. You never know. Maybe the young lad doesn't want to be a superhero like his parents. Maybe he wants to grout tiles for a living.   
5. Very Fast Tyler -- See previous answer for more details, but make the overall experience a lot faster.
6. Very Slow Tyler -- See previous two answers for more details, but replace the word faster with slower.
7. Wat Tyler -- What? Don't tell me you've never heard of Wat? He was the leader of the 1381 Peasants' Revolt held in England. Ask google if you don't believe me.

Nuff said.