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| [ THAT SPELLS OF A SALE ] |
To QUOTE Buddha: 'Unity can only be manifested by the Binary. Unity
itself and the idea of Unity are already two'.
THE STORY:
A long-long time ago, in a galaxy far removed from our own,
there once lived a man called Telos. Well, that wasn't his real name. Yet for
the sake of argument let's say it was, OK? (As I'm sure the writers of this piece
will pick up on this point in a later issue).
Anyway, back to this issue, and, yeah, Telos. What a nice
guy he was. What with his nice small family and a fairly rustic planet to care
for. But then, one day, Braniac showed up and turned his world into crap. Transforming
him into some sort of balding Demigod, before blow.... POW!
Ouch! Cut that out will you, Machite! Can't you see I'm
trying to tell a story here? You bleeder... PUNCH! Uhhh! No. Not you too,
Super-Homie? SLAP! And you as well, Ant-Flash! CRASH! What now? Travis
Morgan? Riding on the back of a medieval rhinoceros no less! Hells bells! What
on Earth do I have to do to get you guys to piss off back to wherever you came
from?
Oh! One sec. I got an idea! THOOOOOM!!!! To be
continued, when Convergence converges under one giant roof.
Now the first thing that struck me about this issue was the brilliant
artwork provided by Andy Kubert.
I mean, just look at it. Isn't it blooming marvellous? What with the way he
manages to meld together detail, expression, pacing and plot, almost as if it
was a scene from an all star action film! Personally, I love the way he drew
those scenes where the heroes exhibited that goggle-eyed expression of
amazement and wonder, depicting them as if they were taking a crap without the
use of a toilet.
I also liked the way that this adventure touched upon Telo's
origins, plus how they were inadvertently linked together with Dick Grayson's.
Minus the Batman angle, of course. And just centring on the notion of a man who's lost
his family and his planet; joining them together on a spiritual level which I
hope will be played out by the time this event ends.
Funnily enough, while I'm talking about endings and joining
things, how about how this issue ended? It had to happen sooner or
later, didn't it? This joining. Yet I can't help but also wonder how Deimos is going to play things out
from here on in. In this issue and the last, he insinuated about knowing what
happened during Crisis on Infinite Earths. And to me, this shows a new horizon
for the New 52. A new horizon that could be a mixture of the old and the new!
Touch wood.
THE BAD:
Structurally this story-line was all over the place where it
came to telling a singular narrative. It started off with a revelation, and then it proceeded to tell Telo's origin story. However, this origin never fully manifested
itself because it kept on getting interrupted with either a sequence involving
Travis Morgan, or a hero punching the narrator of Telo's story, Deimos.
Oh! And while I'm on the subject of Deimos, how powerful is
this idiot, anyway? Does he have the power to make heroes stand around motionless,
whilst other heroes try to kick him into touch? As this is seen in those scenes where Superman
or the Flash fend him off, whilst the others do, well, naff all! Plus how come
Deimos also managed to zap off Branny-Hack and Travis in the way that he did? I
know he's now got the power of the Time Masters under his belt. But does that necessarily
mean he's so super charged he can butt whip his old foe and an omni-God
in one fowl swoop?
THE MUSIC:
Now I know some people may say Katy Perry's 'Roar' is a song
about women's lib and all of that skirt waving malarkey. Yet to me, it's
that, plus it's also about the concept of survival, as demonstrated by all of
those heroes who managed to survive this ass kicking issue. Well, all except
that one who was wearing the furry-bra! Amen.
THE COMPARISON:
Wait a minute! Furry-bra? That gives me a great idea
of what I should compare this comic book to! As what else do you know that's
both rustic in appearance, is good at squeezing things together, and comes with
some additional support from external sources?
Katy Perry's next boyfriend? Ha! Don't make me laugh.
THE CONCLUSION:
So before the cat slips out of the proverbial bag (too late?),
let us ask ourselves one simple question. What is Telo's real name, and could
he be an alternate version of a hero we already know from the DCU? Well, he could be a number of
things, couldn't he? Something or someone like...
- J'onn J'onzz: Well, J'onn did have a family, and he did come from a planet on the verge of destruction.
- Superman: Maybe? Maybe not? Although it would explain why Branny always attracts Kal as his arch-nemesis.
- Dick Grayson: Wow! What a strange notion!
- Rumpelstiltskin: Hey! Don't laugh. Old Rumpy has a nice name and he's a very crafty bugger to boot. That being said, he's not as crafty as...
- Lex Luthor: Damn. It was staring us in the face all along. The bald head. How could I have been so blind?
- Daredevil: Marvel cross-over in the works?
- Mister
Burns from the Simpson's: Excellent.
Nuff said.
CONVERGENCE #5
Reviewed by David Andrews
on
May 25, 2015
Rating:
Reviewed by David Andrews
on
May 25, 2015
Rating:
