CONVERGENCE #5

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[ THAT SPELLS OF A SALE
The universe is a vast and complicated organism, comprising of endings, beginnings, as well as that beige colored slimy stuff Jeff King massaged into Andy Kubert's back, sometime in May, 2015. What was it called again? Oh yeah. Hummus.

To QUOTE Buddha: 'Unity can only be manifested by the Binary. Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two'.

THE STORY:
A long-long time ago, in a galaxy far removed from our own, there once lived a man called Telos. Well, that wasn't his real name. Yet for the sake of argument let's say it was, OK? (As I'm sure the writers of this piece will pick up on this point in a later issue).

Anyway, back to this issue, and, yeah, Telos. What a nice guy he was. What with his nice small family and a fairly rustic planet to care for. But then, one day, Braniac showed up and turned his world into crap. Transforming him into some sort of balding Demigod, before blow.... POW!

Ouch! Cut that out will you, Machite! Can't you see I'm trying to tell a story here? You bleeder... PUNCH! Uhhh! No. Not you too, Super-Homie? SLAP! And you as well, Ant-Flash! CRASH! What now? Travis Morgan? Riding on the back of a medieval rhinoceros no less! Hells bells! What on Earth do I have to do to get you guys to piss off back to wherever you came from?

Oh! One sec. I got an idea! THOOOOOM!!!! To be continued, when Convergence converges under one giant roof.

THE GOOD:
Now the first thing that struck me about this issue was the brilliant artwork provided by Andy Kubert. I mean, just look at it. Isn't it blooming marvellous? What with the way he manages to meld together detail, expression, pacing and plot, almost as if it was a scene from an all star action film! Personally, I love the way he drew those scenes where the heroes exhibited that goggle-eyed expression of amazement and wonder, depicting them as if they were taking a crap without the use of a toilet.

I also liked the way that this adventure touched upon Telo's origins, plus how they were inadvertently linked together with Dick Grayson's. Minus the Batman angle, of course. And just centring on the notion of a man who's lost his family and his planet; joining them together on a spiritual level which I hope will be played out by the time this event ends.

Funnily enough, while I'm talking about endings and joining things, how about how this issue ended? It had to happen sooner or later, didn't it? This joining. Yet I can't help but also wonder how Deimos is going to play things out from here on in. In this issue and the last, he insinuated about knowing what happened during Crisis on Infinite Earths. And to me, this shows a new horizon for the New 52. A new horizon that could be a mixture of the old and the new!

Touch wood.

THE BAD:
Structurally this story-line was all over the place where it came to telling a singular narrative. It started off with a revelation, and then it proceeded to tell Telo's origin story. However, this origin never fully manifested itself because it kept on getting interrupted with either a sequence involving Travis Morgan, or a hero punching the narrator of Telo's story, Deimos.

Oh! And while I'm on the subject of Deimos, how powerful is this idiot, anyway? Does he have the power to make heroes stand around motionless, whilst other heroes try to kick him into touch? As this is seen in those scenes where Superman or the Flash fend him off, whilst the others do, well, naff all! Plus how come Deimos also managed to zap off Branny-Hack and Travis in the way that he did? I know he's now got the power of the Time Masters under his belt. But does that necessarily mean he's so super charged he can butt whip his old foe and an omni-God in one fowl swoop?    

THE MUSIC:
Now I know some people may say Katy Perry's 'Roar' is a song about women's lib and all of that skirt waving malarkey. Yet to me, it's that, plus it's also about the concept of survival, as demonstrated by all of those heroes who managed to survive this ass kicking issue. Well, all except that one who was wearing the furry-bra! Amen.




THE COMPARISON:
Wait a minute! Furry-bra? That gives me a great idea of what I should compare this comic book to! As what else do you know that's both rustic in appearance, is good at squeezing things together, and comes with some additional support from external sources?
  
Katy Perry's next boyfriend? Ha! Don't make me laugh.

THE CONCLUSION:
So before the cat slips out of the proverbial bag (too late?), let us ask ourselves one simple question. What is Telo's real name, and could he be an alternate version of a hero we already know from the DCU? Well, he could be a number of things, couldn't he? Something or someone like...

  1. J'onn J'onzz: Well, J'onn did have a family, and he did come from a planet on the verge of destruction.
  2. Superman: Maybe? Maybe not? Although it would explain why Branny always attracts Kal as his arch-nemesis.
  3. Adrian: You know. That lady from the Rocky films. Adriann!! Addrriaaaan!! I love you Addrian. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.
  4. Dick Grayson: Wow! What a strange notion!
  5. Rumpelstiltskin: Hey! Don't laugh. Old Rumpy has a nice name and he's a very crafty bugger to boot. That being said, he's not as crafty as...
  6. Lex Luthor: Damn. It was staring us in the face all along. The bald head. How could I have been so blind?
  7. Daredevil: Marvel cross-over in the works?
  8. Mister Burns from the Simpson's: Excellent.
Nuff said.