Romantic Movie Poster In our time, we at Lovestruck.com have heard some pretty awful chat up lines. From the rude, to the crude, to the desperate, to the down right cheesy and embarrassing. 'What were they thinking?', the female population want to know! The chances are they weren’t thinking at all, and a few too many may actually believe these chat-up calamities have a magnetic pulling power to the half conscious female. Many deserve nothing more than a swift, stinging slap to the face, followed by a white wine face wash, just like they do in the movies…


Ah yes, that's right, the movies. Bet our classic romantic greats could teach us a thing or two, eh? Er, wrong. Check out these shocking attempts at wooing the opposite sex from 6 big screen classics. Repeat none of them in real life, because they just won’t work.

The English Patient (1996)
The English Patient (1996)

“Swoon, I’ll catch you”: Count Lázló (Ralph Who Can Fiennes) to Hana (Juliette Bread Cake Binoche)

Ok. So we believe the intentions were good, but Count or no Count, this sort of self-confident arrogant twaddle may have worked on the ladies of yesteryear, but is guaranteed to leave today’s butt kicking females giggling into their Prosetto. Women don’t swoon anymore, guys. Not unless you’re Chris Hemsworth, anyway. If they go weak at the knees it’s likely to be the 8th Vodka and orange. 

Twilight (2008)Twilight (2008)

‘I’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much before”: Edward (Robert I Smell Of Pattinson) to Isabella (Kristen Unhappyface)

Wow, er, thanks? I think. Although on the plus side this is certainly something she’d never heard before. That being said, if any girl heard this kack whilst waiting at a bar, I'm sure they'd likely clear the building, ASAP. Sorry Robert, even in the context of this popular vampire saga, this line still sucked more than the entire collection of vampire movies ever made.

Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

“Your husband told me you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, but he didn’t say anything about the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen”: Miles (George Grey Clooney) to Marilyn (Catherine Zeta Boy-O)

This little ‘beauty’ was uttered to Catherine in a lift by Mr Clooney himself. Ok, so this might work on the weak-hearted woman who seem's to dig George. But on the whole, we imagine any woman unable to quickly escape such drivel, would have indeed suffered intolerable cruelty. We don’t care that he’s George Clooney, and has a cute little smile; this reeks of a desperate, cocky middle-aged man thinking he’s onto a winner. Not you're best one, George. Must try harder.

The Notebook (2004)
The Notebook (2004)

“I want all of you, forever”: Noah (Ryan I Like To Gosling) to Allie (Rachel Och I McAdams)

Sometimes in the heat of the moment the male brain can disappear into his nether regions, as clearly illustrated in this case here. What does this line even mean, Ryan? You serial killer! She hardly comes in neat little sectioned off packages? Yes, of course you want all of her, which bits did you think you’d disregard given the choice? Take note, Ryan. Think before you speak.

Unfaithful (2002)Unfaithful (2002)

“Your eyes are amazing, do you know that? You should never shut them, not even at night”: Paul (Oliver Green-Card Martel) to Connie (Dianne Hubba-Hubba Lane)

What? You want her to sleep with her eyes open. Freak. Jeez. Ok, we see what Oliver was trying to do here. In his mind, this line was gonna be a winner, a poetic female-pulling winner that would by guys for years to come and would never fail. Nah, sorry. A five year old could have come up with a better line for his mum. Ollie was trying too hard and came up with words that made him sound both stupid and a little like necrophilia could be his next thing.

Twilight (2008)Twilight (2008):

“Wanna play a game? You can be red riding hood, I’ll be the big bad wolf”: Jacob (Taylor Ogga-Ogga Launner) to Isabella (Kristen No-Smile Stewart)

My God! What is wrong with these people? Yes, we just had to revisit this movie but its popularity worries us. Impressionable teens suck this stuff in and we need to set the record straight. This line, whatever the context, is a total howler. Our best advice for ladies everywhere subjected to such playground banter is to reply, ‘How about I be the axe man and chop me some kindling...”

So what was the worst chat up line you’ve ever heard or, fess up, ever used?  Go on. Spill the beans. Spill the beans on us over @Lovestruck. Damn. There goes another silly expression.