Red Dragon Once upon a time, in a land far-far away, there lived a dragon, a big red scary dragon, who resided in a cave, situated at the base of a mountain. One day, a lumberjack from a neighboring village approached the mouth of the dragon's cave, and yelled into it so he could beckon him forth.

'Come hither, fowl dragon', said the lumberjack, 'For I wish to have an audience with you, post-haste'. 'Go and get stuffed', abruptly replied a deep booming voice from inside the cave, presumably coming from the dragon himself. 'As the only audience you're going to get around here...', the voice added, '...is an audience with my ass planted on your face!'.

Obviously taken back by these vile words, the lumberjack, all deterred and forlorn,  quickly reached down and pulled out an axe strapped to the side of his leg. And then, in a moment of anger, held it up, above his shoulder, and screamed, 'Nay, nay, and thrice nay! For I have come here this day to kill you for what you have done to my village'.

Sexy Lumberjack
Now for a moment or two, there was a deafening silence between both man and beast, leaving the lumberjack just uncertain enough on what he should do next. But then, before the agitation in his gullet could make a decision on his behalf, out from the cave popped the head of the big scary dragon, who simply looked down on him with a seemingly happy smile.

'Hello-hello-hello! So what's all this then?', coyly said the dragon, 'What with you accusing me of doing something nasty to your poxy little village!'. 'There is nothing poxy about my village', defiantly replied the lumberjack, while at the same time nervously wavering the axe in his hand, almost as if he's saying hello with it. 

'Now listen here', said the dragon, 'I take it from your menopausal outburst that a dragon has gone to your village and taken a huge dump on it, agreed?'. Nervously, the lumberjack swiftly replied to his question with an acknowledging nod of his head.

'I also take it that some royal schmuck has put some huge bounty on my head too', continued the Dragon, 'and with you being an underpaid woods-man needing the cash to spend on his wife and brats, you'd be willing to collect on this bounty, correct?'. Once again, the lumberjack nodded his head, thus allowing the dragon to conclude by saying, 'Well, let me tell you this, little man, I haven't dumped on any village for over ten years now. So what's most probably happened, is that your king, or whatever you want to call him, has mistaken me for some other dragon. You know, like those ones you can see in the movies'.

Shocked by the dragons flippant defense, the lumberjack, still uncertain on what he should do, lightly scratched the top of his head with the back of his axe, saying to him, 'Oh really? 'But I'm certain that my sire said that you were the culprit, and that you were the big red scary dragon that killed our men, grilled our women, and lightly toasted our children'. 'Want to bet that I'm not?', gleefully replied the dragon, insinuating that whatever the lumberjack says next will get him some good odds with Roulette Geeks.

Red Dragon'Yes', said the lumberjack, 'I want to bet!'. 'Bet what?', said the dragon, 'That I am the murderer of your village, or that I'm not the murderer of your village'. 'Yes', said the lumberjack again. 'Yes, what?', said a bewildered dragon,  'Yes that I am the murderer, or yes that I am not the murderer?'.

For the second time this day there was a deafening silence between both man and beast, a deafening silence which quickly cracked when the lumberjack blurted out, 'Err... whatever one that doesn't get me killed is my answer, Mister Dragon, sir. Sorry about my foul language earlier. It's just that my sire painted a rather bad picture of you, and from the looks of it, you're not the you I should be looking for'.

As soon as he said this the dragon's head quickly darted in and then out of his cave, and in so doing handed the lumberjack a piece of paper from the tip of his mouth, 'Here, check this out', said the dragon, 'Morph Suits gave it to me. It's an infographic about the best movie dragons... ever, and maybe it might be of some help'.

And with that, dear reader, both the lumberjack and the dragon parted ways. The End.


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