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WHAT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS MOVIE AND SONG?

Perfect Christmas Movie Good Vibes online magazine have recently come up with a formula in order to make the best Christmas movie ever. What they did was to watch over 80 festive flicks (for research purposes, naturally), analyse them, and then base this data on their Rotten Tomatoes score, so they can figure out what a movie studio would need to produce the perfect seasonal slice of cinema.





Now according to their findings (click here for more information), the ideal Christmas movie would feature Tim Allen (Huh?), Bruce Willis (Mother f*cker), Macauley Culkin (Oh no!), and Danny Glover (Is he getting too old for this sh*t?), each playing supporting roles, and that the film itself should be directed by Sharon Maguire, best known for her work on 'Bridget Jones’s Baby' (No comment).

They've also been able to use these findings to rank Christmas films based on their overall profit, how much money they made during their first weekend, and their popularity among critics and moviegoers alike. Here, check this out.


Top Money Makers
  1. Home Alone has enjoyed a profit of 458 million dollars and has been heralded as the best Christmas movie ever.  Cough-Cough! Spit-spit-spit! Bbblurrggg!!!
  2. Home Alone 2 - Lost In New York (Starring Macaulay Culkin, Tim 'Indian' Curry, and Joe 'Do I amuse you?' Pesci): Made a 338 million dollar profit.
  3. Bridget Jones’s Diary (Starring Renée Zoolander, Colin 'I like to stutter' Firth, and Hugh Grunt): Made a 256 million dollar profit.
  4. The Grinch (Starring Jim cash and Carrey): Made a 222 million dollar profit.
  5. Love Actually (Starring some posh bloke, Tiffany from Eastenders, and Tim from the Office): Made a 201 million dollar profit. 

Home Alone
First Weekend Successes
  1. The Grinch has become a Christmas staple since its release back in 2000. It took 55 million dollars in its first weekend, so it is no surprise that a remake (which is to be released next year) is in the pipeline.
  2. Batman Returns (Starring Michael 'Birdman' Keaton, Michelle 'quack-quack' Pfeiffer, and Danny 'Penguin' DeVito): Made 45 million dollars in its first weekend.
  3. Home Alone 2 (I'm not repeating myself. Look above.): Made 31 million dollars in its first weekend.
  4. Elf (Starring  Will 'I'm not' Ferrell, Ironman's chauffeur, and James 'Yes I' Caan): Made 31 million dollars in its first weekend.
  5. Four Christmases (Starring Vince 'Very' Vaughn, Reese Teaspoon, and Jon Voight): Made 31 million dollars in its first weekend.

Big Budget Flops
  1. Jack Frost is one of the films Michael Keaton probably doesn’t want reminding of. Despite a budget of 85 million dollars, it only made 34 million dollars at the box office. So with a loss of 51 million dollars, ouch, it storms to the top of our list of festive flops.
  2. Surviving Christmas (Not if you watch this film): Made a 29 million dollar loss.
  3. I’ll Be Home For Christmas (See previous comment for more details): Made a 17 million dollar loss.
  4. The Nutcracker (Crack!!!): Made a 16 million dollar loss.
  5. Santa Claus - The Movie (Starring Dudley 'I wanted' Moore and John Lithgow): Made a 16 million dollar loss.

Miracle on 34th Street
Critics’ Choice
  1. Even though Meet Me In St Louis was released over 70 years ago, it still has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 100, showing that it continues to win the hearts of critics all across the globe.
  2. The Shop Around The Corner (Starring James Stewart and some woman): Also rated 100.
  3. Holiday Inn (Starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire): Again, rated 100.
  4. Brazil (Not the country, the film directed by the Python, Terry Gilliam): Rated 98.
  5. Miracle on 34th Street (Starring Saint Nick and Natalie 'I Got' Wood): Rated 96.

Audience Choice
  1. It’s A Wonderful Life wasn't a big hit when it was first released in 1946, but thanks to TV, it's now a chart-topping film that audiences have awarded a score of 95.
  2. The Apartment (Starring Jack 'Zesty' Lemmon and Shirley Maclaine): Rated 94.
  3. Die Hard (Starring Bruce Willy-Willis and Alan Rickman): Rated 94.
  4. The Shop Around The Corner (I told you already, I'm not going to repeat myself, OK?): Rated 91.
  5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (Tim Burton and other goth people): Rated 91. 

The Co-op have also conducted a Christmas study to coincide with the launch of their brand-new advertising campaign, featuring a new rendition of Blur’s 1999 Britpop classic, 'Tender'. According to their stats, 49% of the general public say that the festive season truly begins when they start to hear Christmas songs playing on the radio or in the stores.  Through this, 65% of people also find themselves singing along to them over the festive period, regardless of what they are doing, or when they are doing it. More importantly, though, the study has unveiled the Top 40 Christmas songs for the yuletide season! Here, check this out...


All I Want For Christmas Is You: Mariah Carey
Top 40 Christmas Songs 
  1. All I Want For Christmas Is You: Mariah Carey - 49.6%
  2. Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day: Wizard - 49.3%
  3. Merry Xmas Everybody: Slade - 47.8%
  4. Last Christmas: Wham! - 47.5%
  5. Do They Know It’s Christmas?: Band Aid - 44.3% 
  6. It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year: Andy Williams - 42.4% 
  7. Fairytale of New York: The Pogues featuring Kirsty McColl - 42% 
  8. Driving Home For Christmas: Chris Rea - 38.2% 
  9. Merry Christmas Everyone: Shakin’ Stevens - 35.8% 
  10. Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town: Bruce Springsteen - 33.9% 
  11. Lonely This Christmas: Elvis Presley - 28.6% 
  12. Blue Christmas: Elvis Presley - 28.5% 
  13. Stay Another Day: East 17 - 28.5% 
  14. When A Child Is Born: Johnny Mathis - 28.4% 
  15. Santa Baby: Kylie Minogue - 27.8% 
  16. Baby Its Cold Outside: Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews - 27.2% 
  17. Mistletoe and Wine: Cliff Richard - 27.1% 
  18. Wonderful Christmastime: Paul McCartney - 27% 
  19. Happy Xmas (War Is Over): John and Yoko and The Plastic Ono Band with the Harlem Community Choir - 26.4% 
  20. Stop The Cavalry: Jona Lewie - 23.5% 
  21. Walking In The Air: Peter Auty and The Sinfonia Of London - 22% 
  22. Step Into Christmas: Elton John - 21.5% 
  23. Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End): The Darkness - 19.9% 
  24. I Believe in Father Christmas: Greg Lake - 19.9% 
  25. The Power Of Love: Frankie Goes To Hollywood - 18% 
  26. Saviour’s Day: Cliff Richard - 17.2% 
  27. Please Come Home For Christmas: Bon Jovi - 15.8% 
  28. A Spaceman Came Travelling: Chris de Burgh - 15.3% 
  29. Jingle Bells: Basshunter - 14.6% 
  30. If Every Day Was Like Christmas: Elvis Presley - 12.7% 
  31. It Won’t Seem Like Christmas Without You: Elvis Presley - 11.6% 
  32. Mistletoe: Justin Bieber - 11.2% 
  33. Christmas Is All Around: Billy Mack - 10.9% 
  34. The Millennium Prayer: Cliff Richard - 10% 
  35. All Alone On Christmas: Darlene Love - 8.5% 
  36. Underneath The Tree: Kelly Clarkson - 8.3% 
  37. Proper Crimbo: Bo Selecta - 8.2% 
  38. Pretty Paper: Roy Orbison - 7.8% 
  39. Christmas Wrapping: The Waitresses - 7.6% 
  40. Winter World of Love: Engelbert Humperdinck - 7.4%



WHAT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS MOVIE AND SONG? WHAT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS MOVIE AND SONG? Reviewed by David Andrews on December 14, 2017 Rating: 5

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