FOG IN FILM - HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?

Hello? Is anybody there? Come on, speak up! As I can't spend all day waiting around for someone I've never met! According to my watch, I've been here for approximately half an hour, and so far the only thing I've accomplished is to walk around aimlessly in the fog. Although, come to think of it, the fog wasn’t here when I first arrived. In fact, the weather was pretty bright and sunny before I stepped through the cemetery gates. But when I did, Ka-Pow, everything changed fairly quickly. The sky got darker. The temperature got colder. And like I just said, the fog got pretty intense, too intense for my own liking.





I wonder why that is though? It's not like someone can click their fingers and change the weather? I mean, real life isn't a movie! If it was I’d be in a posh hotel somewhere, living the high-life rather than the low-life among the fog.

Damn! How the hell did I get here anyway? Oh! Wait a minute. I remember now. It's because I received a phone call asking me to meet a guy named Frank who wants to help me with my chosen career. Frank’s a producer, you see, a producer from Hollywood, and somehow he got my details so he could make the necessary arrangements in order to use my talents in a script he wants to develop for a top major studio.

I’ve been trying to break into the business for over ten years now, and all I’ve managed to do is write a few lousy scripts for one or two low budget productions. One of them was called, ‘Get Me Or Love Me’, which was basically a modern-day remake of the classic Bogart film, ‘Casablanca’, minus the style or any decent actors. Whereas the other film I wrote was called, ‘Hung By My Haggis’, and that was a satirical reinterpretation of the William Shakespeare play, ‘Macbeth’. With a little luck, one day I will be a part of a more established film unit, and hopefully have the sort of career which would allow me to pick and choose whatever I want to pick and choose.

Heck, the only thing I’m picking at the moment is my nose, picking it in the fog, wondering where Frank is and why he wants to meet me here in a cemetery! Seriously, why would a producer want to meet a screenwriter in a place where dead people lay? Is this a test of sorts? Is this something all Hollywood types do when they break someone new into the business? I hope so. I really do. That way I’ll be on my way to stardom, celebrity, and fame, rather than, well, whatever it is I’m doing now, aside from picking my nose.

Hey! There it goes again! That sound. I can hear it coming from that big grey headstone with all those pretty little pictures on it. Hold on a sec! The name on that headstone says Frank, and those aren’t pretty little pictures. They’re a collection of film titles based around a singular theme: Fog in film by vapingman.co.uk. Hmmm! From the looks of it, the only big break I’m going to get is another broken heart. Sob.