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TEEN TITANS #31

[ FATHER'S DAY
There once was an alien called Lobo, who’s parental skills were a no-show. Until, one day, he changed, his way, by listening to the musician Yoko Ono. Want to know more? Then please ignore the following adventure created by Adam Glass, Bernard Chang, and published by DC Comics in July, 2019.

TO QUOTE Joan Crawford:No wire hangers’.

THE STORY:
Out of the following three candidates, can you guess which parental figure The Other has hired to take down the Teen Titans? I mean, could it be: (A) Damian’s Mum: Talia al Ghul; (B) Emiko’s Brother: Oliver Queen; or (C) Crush’s Biological Father: Lobo, the crazy-ass Bounty Hunter.

Now, to help you make your decision, let me just say that this person is a big, mean, killing machine, who enjoys slaughtering people for the sheer hell of it. You got that? Good. So what are you waiting for? Please pick up issue 31 of the Teen Titans today. In the meantime though, here, have a look at this… 

THE REVIEW:
Despite being a long and drawn out fight scene between a heavy metal alien and a gang of bickering brats, overall, I’d say this episode of the Teen Titans was a fairly fun affair given its brutal depiction of an actual battle. Or to be more specific about it, a very one-sided battle, featuring Lobo slapping and bashing the team into submission, due to him being a more powerful, a more vindictive, and a more formidable foe!

Well, let’s face it, Lobo has killed his entire race and isn’t ashamed of beating up someone who isn’t a conventional looking superhero. Heck, back in the day, he spent most of his time facing off against Father Christmas, The Easter BunnyEtrigan the Demon, a hoard of gangster styled aliens, or anyone else who pissed him off, which goes to show that he isn’t scared to take on a team of misfits or a mystical being from another world.  In fact, Lobo is such a badass m#ther f#c$er, the outcome of this book didn’t surprise me at all. No. Not in the slightest, saying so because when everything kicked off, the gang were emotionally unstable and ill-equipped to defend themselves from a far more menacing opponent. What’s more, they didn’t have enough time to prepare themselves either, keeping in mind that a modicum of preparation has always been required prior to all of their previous skirmishes.

Although, having said all that, how do you think this story will continue next month? I mean, we already know that Lobo has the upper hand and that the team are currently out for the count, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t turn the tables on him, given their wide range of abilities. Abilities, I hasten to add, which range from super speed (Kid Flash), technical savvy (Roundhouse), magic (Djinn), and physical prowess (The Rest). I would also like to mention that Damian is Batman’s son, and as such, Lobo may not want to kill him due to his previous association with Bruce during their time together as members of the Justice League of America.

Now, back to this book (and to finish off), I would just like to state some of the things I enjoyed the most about this particular adventure. Things like: 

(1) The Cameo Appearance:  At the start of the story, we are presented with a three-page introductory sequence where we see Lobo entering a convenience store and catching someone he was hired to track down. Someone named Andar Ro. Not to be mistaken for Kanjar Ro, the ex-Justice League villain, because he was the one that hired Lobo to catch Andar in the first place. Now, the main reason why I bring this point up, is because I can appreciate the inclusion of these two bug-eyed-aliens: Andar, as he managed to blend into the Bronx as if he were a native; and Kanjar, as he hasn’t appeared in many books since his brief tenure on the Green Lantern solo title (quite some time ago)!

(2) The Art: So what can I say about Bernard Chang’s amazing artwork that I haven’t mentioned many times before?  After all, he really knows how to construct a nicely paced action scene full of bold designs (team crash), extravagant panel layouts (train smash), and a cast of characters that were rather dynamic and captivating to follow (alien bash)! Although, in this case, I did notice that sometimes his art was somewhat reminiscent of another artist who once drew Lobo, Kevin O'Neill. Plus on occasion, Marcelo Maiolo’s vivid color palette was flat, really flat, and actually muted some of Bernard’s vibrant visuals. 

(3) The Logic: As I alluded to before, one of the best things about this book was how the flow of the fight made perfect sense due to its own internal logic. Well, under the circumstances, Robin and Red Arrow didn’t really stand a chance of defeating Lobo because they’re nowhere near his level of power. Whereas Roundhouse and Kid Flash, on the other hand, might have had a slight chance of hurting him, but only if they could have beat him to the punch. And as for Djinn and Crush? Well, in their case, these two are more than able to withstand some level of punishment, but I’m not entirely sure if either of them could've kept it together long enough to turn the tables around. 

So, in conclusion, even though this issue was a very quick read and felt somewhat superficial in terms of telling a solid story, in the same breath, it was intriguing enough to lead us into next month's adventure.  What did you think, dear reader? What did you think about Lobo’s fight with the Teen Titans and were you pleased with the outcome? In any event, please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section below. 

THE MUSIC:
I don’t think this section and the next one needs much explanation because we all have eyes and ears. Although, to be fair, I should at least point out that this issue does require a rocking-musical match-up with a touch of femininity. Or in this case, a ‘Hard Luck Woman’, as sung by...




THE COMPARISON:
Yes. Them: KISS, otherwise known as the popular rock group featuring Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Tommy Thayer, and Eric Singer, among others, who are collectively being compared to this comic book for fairly obvious reasons. 

THE CONCLUSION:
At the end of this episode, Lobo licks a slither of residue off of his finger and says something about his daughter.  So, out of the following eight options, let’s see if you can guess what he actually says about her? I mean, could it be something like…

  • She looks like her mother.
  • She smells of hummus.
  • She has the same eyes as me.
  • She is as good as dead.
  • She may be a lesbian but she isn’t a Czarnian.
  • She stole my act. 
  • She needs to get a tan.
  • She can’t fight.

Nuff said.

TEEN TITANS #31 TEEN TITANS #31 Reviewed by David Andrews on July 09, 2019 Rating: 5

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