CAPTAIN MARVEL TRIES ONLINE DATING

It has come to my attention that I will be starring in a film with at least two superpowered females. A film, I hasten to add, that's supposed to be a sequel to my first film, 'Captain Marvel'. So, in an effort to raise awareness about who I am and what I stand for (no offense to those of you who are unable to walk), I, Captain Marvel, aka Carol Danvers, have now decided to set up a brand new online dating profile for people to see (no offense to those of you who are blind). Here 👇, check this out.

Personal information:
Full name: You can call me either by my human name, Carol Danvers, or my Kree name, Car-Ell / Age: Yes / Occupation: I was once an officer in the United States Air Force, but now I'm a cosmic superhero who refuses to smile / Location: Earth or outer space / Relationship requirements: I'd like to meet a kind person who doesn't mind being with someone that's so wonderful nobody likes her / Longest relationship: Well, many years ago, I almost married Prince Yan, but I suppose my longest relationship has been with James Rhodes (aka War Machine)

Distinguishing features:
Height: 5 ft. 11 in. / Weight: 179 lbs. / Build: Athletic / Hair color: Blonde / Eye color: Blue

Other attributes:
Do you like animals? I love all animals, but mainly cats / Do you drink? Yes, I drink water and anything with caffeine / Do you want children? None of your business. My body, my choice / Do you consume drugs? No way / Do you drive a car? Sometimes, but I prefer to fly

Favorite:
TV show: 'Lost in Space' / Song: 'Smile' by Charlie Chaplin / Actor: Scarlett Johansson / Singer: Al Jolson / Comedian: Hannah Gadsby (I think she's a comedian) / Film: 'Aliens' / Color: Pink / Meal: Meatballs / Quote: 'Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go everywhere' - Mae West

Hobbies:
Fighting the patriarchy. Hitting people who ask me to smile. Changing my costume and identity. Being consistent. Speaking with my friends (or should I say, arguing with people who I think are my friends?). Feeling awkward. Flying on my own or in a vehicle. Playing with my yo-yo. Frowning.

About me:
Hello. My name is Captain Marvel, aka Carol Danvers, although I have previously been called Ms. Marvel, Warbird, Binary, and that stuck-up b#tch who doesn't smile. But I do smile, usually at funerals or whenever a man is slapped, as I take great pleasure in fighting against social norms or those individuals who wish to oppose me. In any event, I am who I am, a human-Kree hybrid, and I'm honest, I'm bold, and I disagree with anyone who says that I bought my personality on eBay (I think it was Etsy).

First date:
To be completely honest with you, the only dates I like are those edible sweet fruits that are enjoyable to eat. But, I suppose, if we had to meet up, and, you know, talk and stuff, I'd prefer we meet somewhere remote, like outer space, for instance, and then go to a restaurant afterwards to have something to eat. Preferably, something non-fattening, as I have to stay in shape in order to defend myself from any vile villain who tries to attack me. Are you a vile villain? Come on, speak up! Otherwise, the only place I will take you is to a prison or some other type of containment facility. Either way, I'm Captain Marvel, and I won't change who I am for anyone (except for certain studio executives and companies with ties to a specific political party).

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