KING KONG'S DATING PROFILE

This month, Warner Bros. is releasing the fifth film in their MonsterVerse franchise. Entitled, 'Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire', the aforementioned film is a sequel to the previous films in the franchise and is full of the usual action, drama, and excitement. It's directed by Adam Wingard, and stars Rebecca Hall, Dan Stevens, and Brian Tyree Henry. So, to celebrate, I thought that it would be a jolly good idea to take a look at the dating profile for one of the titular characters. Namely, Kong's dating profile, which you can check out right now 👇.

Personal information:
Full name: Kong / Age: Over 100 years old / Occupation: King / Location: Skull Island / Relationship requirements: I'd like a pretty blonde lady who doesn't have any commitment issues / Longest relationship: 20 ft

Distinguishing features:
Height: 337 ft / Weight: 158,000 tons / Build: Stocky / Hair color: Dark / Eye color: Dark

Other attributes:
Do you like animals? I don't like large lizards and monstrous moths because these two species always try to kill me. But apart from that, I suppose I like most animals, except politicians / Do you drink? I drink Diet Pepsi / Do you want children? Have you seen my penis? As I don't think I can squirt one out / Do you consume drugs? No, as they either make me pass out or act crazy / Do you drive a car? For fairly obvious reasons, no, I can't drive a car and I detest airplanes and boats

Favorite:
TV show: 'Tarzan' / Song: 'Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey' by the Beatles / Actor: Fay Wray / Band: Arctic Monkeys / Comedian: Robin Williams (he was so hairy I'm sure he was a chimp) / Film: 'Planet of the Apes' / Color: Yellow / Meal: Banana fritters / Quote: 'Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town' - George Carlin

Hobbies:
Eating bananas. Scratching my nuts. Rubbing my ass against a rock. Licking my fur. Throwing airplanes. Smashing cars. Punching my enemies. Climbing up buildings. Smelling women's hair. Growling in men's faces. Orienteering. Learning how to crochet. Playing sudoku. Painting abstract art.

About me:
Some people may think of me as a large, lumbering brute, who smashes things up or tears things down. But in all honesty, I'm a fairly sappy simian who loves the peace and tranquility of a deserted jungle, or at the very least, the serenity of an expansive, panoramic view. My appearance may also be a little bit unsettling because I'm big, I'm hairy, and to some, I'm nothing more than an angry ape who destroys everything I touch. In my defense, though, I have only harmed individuals who wish to harm me or someone I care for (hopefully, someone like you). So, what do you say? How about going out on a date with me? Me, King Kong, but only if you don't mind monkeying around with a different species. Much love.

First date:
Many years ago, I took a date to the top of the Empire State Building so we could both witness a glorious view of Manhattan. I enjoyed it myself, but I'm not too sure if she did, because before I could ask her for her opinion, a couple of pilots shot me off my perch, and that was the end of that. What I should have done instead, was to take her to somewhere less dramatic. Somewhere like, Korea, for instance, as I hear they serve great food and have a less oppressive regime (allegedly). Or how about somewhere in the Middle East? Such as Iraq, as I'm sure we could both have a very memorable time over there. Either way, let me know your thoughts so we can sort something out.

To see more character-based dating profiles, please feel free to click here to check out our section dedicated to all things love.