It must be difficult becoming a crook. I'd rather be a celebrity cook. Not Gordon Ramsey. Someone more fancy. Who can deliver a more defiant left-hook. THWAK! Although I'm pretty damn sure that this caped created team could hit harder. You know -- Writer: John Layman; Artists: Jason Fabok and Andy Clarke; plus Publisher: DC Comics in January 2013.

So what’s the STORY morning glory?
Boy-oh-boy. You've got to feel sorry for poor old Clayface within this story entitled, 'The Dirty Nap! Well, if it wasn't bad enough that he's currently in a fight with the Dark Knight Detective. Worst still, he's just found out that his wife has been playing him for a fool.

  • Wait a sec! You do know who Mrs Clayface is, right? It's the one time Bird Of Prey, Poison Ivy, whose been flung into a shallow grave by the Penguins top-lad, Ogilvy, because she's interfered with some of his 'business affairs' by accident.
  • OK. When I say Ogilvy is 'Penguins top-lad', what I meant is that he was -- until -- bird-brain gets whisked away on a Joker inspired cross-over event, and he decides to then usurp his feathered throne.

Meanwhile, in the Clayface back-up feature, this man of muck reminisces about how his love blossomed for Ivy over time, thus prompting him to figure out what he's going to do next once she's freshly dug up. 


What is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?
Now if you were a bad guy in the process of taking over a criminal empire, would you call yourself 'Emperor Penguin'? Sound's pretty peculiar, doesn't it? Try and say this phrase out loud -- like Ogilvy did in this issue -- and do it without laughing. Go on. Try 'but you can call me Emperor Penguin'.

It's just doesn't feel right! Huh?

What was the BEST thing about this issue?
As much as this may sound slightly strange, one of the best things about this issue was how it made me feel sorry for Clayface.

Yeah. No messing about. I genuinely felt sad for this pug-faced grotesque. Moreover, at the end of it, I was more than happy that he was given the opportunity to get away from the authorities, and then enact his revenge.

What was the WORST thing about this issue?
Oh! What a shame. I really hoped that Ogilvy was going to be a 'trusted aide' for quite some time. But now -- now he wants to take over the Penguins operations as 'Emperor Penguin' -- well, lets just say I'm not too happy about this turn of events, because sometimes these 'twists' all end in the same way.

Know what I mean?

What was the most CREATIVE thing about this issue?
STORY: I did like the fact that Poison Ivy 'planted' her love for Clayface, by 'seeding him' with a compliant plant. Wow! What an original concept that is! And defiantly something you won't see on a horticultural program!

ART: Do you know what? I think that I am in a slightly strange mood today. Because one of the artistic highlights for me in this issue, was the color of the flower Ivy chose to poison Clayface with. 

Come on. Let's face it. The petals were a rather nice shade of red. And it did stand out in that sinister way -- like the digital hues used in 'Predator 2'.

Oh! Plus Jason and Andy did a bang up job on the art duties as well. Like always.

If you had to CAST TWO CHARACTERS in this comic book, who would they be and why?
CLAYFACE: Now for no reason what so ever, I've decided that this months casting call should center around the theme of plants. Therefore, to represent this ugly looking sod, I've chosen a potato. They're both mucky to look at. Covered in dirt. And fall in love easily.

Well, that's what the carrots told me.

POISON IVY: Do I have to tell you what I think best represents this 'femme fatale' in plant form? Do you also need an analogy surmising that she's exactly the same as the plant she's named after?

No! I didn't think so. Happy gardening.

If this issue had a MOVIE TAG LINE, what would it be?
Welcome To; Where You Can Get To Know A Great Variety Of Vegetation.

If this issue were a MOVIE, an OBJECT, or a piece of MUSIC, what would that be and why? 
In a slightly perverted way, I'd have to compare this adventure to the Jack Black / Gwyneth Paltrow film 'Shallow Hal'. Except that he's a b*tch, she's a potato, and there is no happy ending.

FINAL thoughts...
Dear People Who Stick Stupid Paraphernalia upon the Covers of Comic Books,

Do you like your job, pal? Do you get any satisfaction what so ever, out of affixing a cardboard edifice upon a four color funny?

No. You probably don't. You just do it for the cash, huh? Not that I can blame you of course. I would do exactly the same thing if some idiot at DC decided to pay me to stick a useless piece of material on a book that didn't need it.

Well, haven't they ever heard of 'artists' before? There are many of them around today, don't you know. On webcomics. In the media. And all over the place. Whom I'm sure would be grateful for the added exposure, as well as a chance to 'unify' a story-line with their creativity.

Come on DC. Stick your finger out. This isn't the nineties. This is the... errr... whatever it is. Try to do something new for a change. Without sticking to tried and tested methods of yesteryear.

Bless you paraphernalia pal. Keep the cash rolling in.

Love, Light, and Peace -- The Reviewer.

MARKS out of 10? 9