STOP THE PRESS, POP-FANS! The pug-faced musician, Gary Barlow (Matt Lucas), has a cunning three step plan to get himself back into the charts again. Firstly, he'll announce on Sara Cox's prime-time radio-show, that he, plus the Irish virgin, Ronan Keating (David Walliams), will raise some money by producing a charity single for 'the blind'. Secondly, both he and the aforementioned virgin will promote the making of their chosen song -- 'I Can See Clearly Now' -- by standing in front of a fountain and smiling a lot. And last but not least, this not so dynamic-duo will join the chubby music producer, Pete Waterman (Ted Robbins), and then record this 'master-piss' one (piss) artist at a time.
Boy-oh-boy! Now doesn't that sound just great? Huh? Though I do wonder what the singers in question think about all of this? Maybe bug-eyed television presenter, Jamie Theakston, should ask them?
- Ricky Martin -- Oh! You are a very naughty boy. Don't try to kiss me, wink-wink!
- Tom Jones -- Hello Boy-o.
- Simon and Garfunkel -- Bright eyes, burning like fire. You shmuck.
- Elton John -- That's it! I'm leaving.
- Eminem -- You're a ruddy fagot b*tch. Ooh! Controversial.
Cher-- What film would you like to see? Press '4' on your telephone keypad now.
- Noel and Danny -- Wow! A door! I've never seen a door before.
- Graham Coxon -- I can hear voice in my head!
- Craig David -- Bo!
- The Bee Gee's -- SILENCE! I'm talking.
Bassey -- Champagne darlings.
- H and Lee -- We're from Steps.
- Tommy Steele -- Have we got a song for you?
- Prince -- Which one of you b*stards stole my guitar?
- Heather Small -- Reeeeep!
- Macy Gray -- I can't get away from those flies.
- Sting -- Please take Chief Ousaba away from me. He's been following me around for ages.
- Stevie Wonder -- I don't do charity. F*ck em.
Errr... well... that's enough of that I think. But I do have to mention that this 'gala production' doesn't sail too smoothly given my benefit of hindsight. You see, after the first day's recording, Pete and the virgin decide to dump
resulting in him singing a song with John McCririck (good). Geri Halliwell and Stephen
Gately can't sing (take that comment any way you wish). Plus some unknown
artist turns up out of the blue and does his own thing (whatever that is). Still,
by in large everything does turn out into a bright -- bright -- bright,
Picture the scene. Some time in 2002. Around in the evening. And me and my younger brother, Anthony, are lounging around in our mutual bedroom, waiting to go to sleep whilst idly perusing the television channels. Then suddenly, as if by whim of fate, I flick it over to 'BBC2' and notice a rather strange show hosted by Jamie Theakston streaming out of the screen! 'Keep it on' yelped Anthony 'I like this chap. He reminds me of our cousin Costa from
In turn, I acknowledge my brothers yelp by laying back into my bed, and then
watching this rather bold program called 'Rock Profiles'.
OK, I have to admit, I can't for the life of me remember what episode we both watched that night; or what musician it was trying to spoof either. Nonetheless, from that moment on-wards, was a staple in both of our tele-visual lives. And we just loved watching this really strange song-slanted satire.
All in All 'Rock the Blind' is a great mock-documentary to watch, and is a must see for people who like laughing, music, 'Little Britain', camp humor, and any of Matt and David's other works. Don't you agree, Vicki?