Now after posing for some pictures, Steven Mitchell... err... I mean 'Merchant', prances about all over the stage like giraffe on Viagra, as he then regales his audience on the following topics of note: (1) Romance. (2) The media. (3) His height. (4) Education. (5) Relationships. (6) Technology. And (7) Whatever else he can come up with to get the ladies in attendance to fancy him.
No. I'm afraid to say this doesn't work. With my current benefits of hindsight, all this does is make Stephen's live audience laugh like a right gaggle of goons. Here, check out these quotes taken from the show, to figure out the reasons why.
- One of the reasons why I'm doing stand up comedy, is because I don't have to share the profits with 'you know who'.
- It's very annoying when the prostitute you've slept with won't sell her story to the national press. Stupid crack whore!
- It's a problem being tall. I spent most of my childhood either leaning against things, or standing in the distance.
- How can I be a geek? I have a 'Blue Peter' badge and a Casio calculator watch!
- No! Don't clap. We're not American.
- How do you ask you're patient out of you're a gynaecologist?
- Did Judas betray Jesus because he wanted to split the bill after the last supper?
- I met this beautiful girl at a wedding, and nigh on straight away we seemed to hit it off. She liked movies. I liked movies. She liked music. I liked music. She had a glass eye. I like to roll things.
- I went into a nightclub once, and realised that most of the people there never watched porn on VHS. They were all 21!
- Dog is not mans best friend. I've never gone walking with my best friend, where he sh*t on the pavement, and I had to clean it up afterwards.
- I went out with a girl for a meal, and she said to me '50 / 50?'. I said 'No. You ate more than me. It should be 70 / 30'.
- My face is one of the main reasons why I'm single. Unless as a child you had a thing for 'child-catchers'.
In closing his show, Stephen explains how he got his 'Blue Peter' badge, before performing a play called 'Choices' with two members of the studio audience.
Trust me. It was a BAFTA worthy recital. One hundred percent.
Whenever I watch an 'artist' do something different away from the 'double-act' he or she is normally associated with, there is a small part of me that makes me wonder what he contributed to the 'conceptual whole'. Now I'm sure you know where I'm coming from with this remark, dear reader. Would a
work without a Hardy? Could a Abbott bust a funny without a Costello?
Furthermore, can a Merchant make me laugh without a Gervais?
Rickey Gervais, when Ricky hired him to be his assistant at 'Xfm' -- an indie radio station. (3) Sara Dallin, from the eighties pop-group, 'Bananarama', is one of Stephen's cousins. (4) I kid you not; Stephen is exactly the same height as the English Footballer, Peter Crouch -- six foot seven inches. (5) Not only was Steven a contestant on the popular quiz show, 'Blockbusters', but for a brief period, he was also an intern for the legendary 'Radio Caroline' too. (6) Although he uses his bulbous eyes for comedic effect, Steven has actually got an acute astigmatism, which affects his vision. (7) Just like Ricky, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Rickey Grover before him, Stephen made an appearance on the satirical Show'. It was his first English television appearance. (8) In the past, Mister Merchant has stated that his top five favourite films are: Jack Lemmon's 'The Apartment'; Martin Scorsese's 'After Hours'; Woody Allen's 'Play It Again, Sam'; Jeff Daniels's 'The Squid and the Whale'; plus the Gene Kelly classic, 'Singin' in the Rain'. (9) Now how can Stevey-boy not have an official website -- www.stephenmerchant.com
All in all 'Stephen Merchant - Hello Ladies' was a great stand-up show to sit back and laugh at. It was funny in places. It was jovial in others. And overall it was like watching an animated version of a gag-fest, just without any animation in it. Agreed, Steve?
Ha! What a git.