STORMWATCH #24

[ BUY OR DIE ] 

Pssst. Hey you! Can you keep a secret, pal? A very devilish secret devised by Jim Starlin and Yvel Guichet? Yeah? You can? Thank God for that. Just make sure you don't tell it to the Publisher: DC Comics, in October, 2013. Or otherwise everything you've ever seen or heard, will be no more. BOOOM!

Using GENERAL terms, answer the following 4 questions about this STORY entitled 'Extremax'.

• WHAT'S THE MAIN THRUST OF THIS TALE: 'Oi! Hold your horses', says A.I. to her captive's in the Stormwatch crew. 'Or else I will not be able to tell you about the Kollectives long-running nemesis -- called Extremax -- who's a bit of a power-hungry tosser'.
• ARE THE MAIN OBJECTIVES ACHIEVED: Let's just say that a start is made, OK? Nothing else though. Not yet, anyway. Stormwatch hasn't decided which enemy to ally themselves with. That's if they want to prevent the Earth from turning into sh*t!
• ANYTHING ELSE HAPPEN: Yeah. We get another glimpse at how Midnighter came to be.
• HOW DOES THIS STORY END: With a cosmic battle secretly emerging upon the horizon, like a gigantic bowling ball ready to strike. Ohhhhhhh! Ominous.

All in all, what is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?

Christ almighty! Who came up with that God awful name of 'Extremax'? Huh? Did someone watch that episode of the Simpson's where Homer called himself 'Max Power'? Or was it a television commercial trying to sell a razor or a canister of aftershave? If so, tut-tut-tut! Shame on you. Names like these belong in the bin. Not in a cosmic yarn such as this one.

Sheesh! What next? 'Very-Bad-Villain-Man'? Hmmm? Oh! That reminds me of something I can touch upon later. Hahahaha!

What are the BEST bits about this issue?

(+) With hand on my heart, I chuckled like a monkey at that scene where Lobo had a bit of an altercation with Apollo. I just wished that there were more instances like this one scattered throughout this story. As I'm sure it could have raised the tone in a more entertaining direction.

(+) Alright. Everyone who liked following the Midnighter sub-plot, please raise your hands. Ahh! Yes. Just as I thought. Good on you, dear readers. For that, I would just like to impart a strange notion that popped into my mind whilst reading this story. Could Midnighters body be a pre-emptive template used to house Extremax's new corporal form, and that is why it's being referenced within this particular tale? Hmmm? Food for thought. Isn't it?

(+) Another thing that I really dug about this yarn was how it came across in a very cosmic fashion. I'm sure you know the type of thing I'm talking about, folks. The big bad villain. The renegade needing some assistance. Mystical object's. A motley crew. Blah-Blah-Blah. Etcetera-Etcetera-Etcetera. All perfectly setting up the troubles ahead, no holds bard.

(+) Oh, bugger! I'm afraid to say that I'm still sitting on the fence where Yvel Guichet's artwork is concerned. A part of me enjoyed it for its bold exuberance. Whilst other part of me disliked it, because it does seem a bit rushed in places, and doesn't have that same 'Jim Starlin' quality I hope it would have. Sorry, Yvel. I hope you can turn me around in the near future.

What are the WORST bits about this issue?

(-) Now the only thing about this issue I wasn't very keen on was how the majority of it was basically exposition-exposition-exposition, complemented by one or two jovial interludes that didn't really hold much water. Hey! Don't get me wrong. The exposition in itself was fairly good to read. Its just sometimes too much can be just that -- too much -- making the whole thing come across like a teacher speaking to their pupils.  

Choose TWO CHARACTERS out of this comic book, and then compare them to WELL KNOWN WOMEN.

MILEY CYRUS AS EXTEMEMAX: Is it just me, or doesn't Madam Twerk-Ass appear like the type of a girl who focuses all her energies towards gauging some sort of power! Just like when she does her impressions of a constipated dog for instance.

KRISTEN STEWART AS A.I.: She's devoid of life. She never smiles. Plus she always looks too serious my own liking. Still. Our Kristen would play a great robot in a movie, wouldn't she?

What QUOTE would be appropriate to sum-up this story?

'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' -- The Book of Exodus, Chapter 23, Verse 22

What SONG, THEME-TUNE, or MELODY, would complement this tale, as well as add and extra dimension to it by default?

'COSMIC ODYSSEY' BY DAVID BOWIE: If you're ever thinking about reading this comic book again -- which you should -- I suggest you do it whilst this song is playing in the background. Honestly. Both of them complement each other in both tone and style. Exposition-like, and surreal.

ANYTHING Else?

Yeah. You guessed it, folks. My biggest gripe about this issue is that it was a bit too long winded for my own liking, plus the main villain had a bloody stupid name.

Yet again, it could have been a lot worse I suppose. Jim and company could have called 'Extremax'...

• Doctor Doom -- Ops! I think that one's taken?
• Captain Grimm -- For Those of You Who Hate To Smile
• Admiral Ass-Wipe -- Who Needs a Bidet?
• Lieutenant Loathsome -- Nobody Loves Me!!!! Sobbb!!
• Gillette -- For the Best a Man Could Get
• Corporal C*nt -- What Are You Looking At?
• Mister Blatantly Obvious Villain -- I Want Milk!
• My-Mummy-Never-Brest-Fed-Me-Man -- Got Milk?
• Extremely Powerful Person -- Just In Case You Get Me Confused With Somebody Else.
• Captain C*nt -- I'm The Corporals Lesser Ranking Cousin.
• Barbra Streisand -- Errr?????

Anyway. That's enough of my drivel for this month. All I have left to say is that this issue of 'Stormwatch' reminded me of going to school. It was nice to see my mates again. The teacher spoke too much. Plus I can't wait to come back to see what else is going on later.

Nuff said.