Date Movie Cover Looking for love isn't very easy you know. Granted, it isn't brain surgery. I know that. Plus it has absolutely nothing to do with kicking someone in the balls and then raping a giant cucumber. Yet again, just to make certain, I best ask the Director: Aaron Seltzer; and the Actors: Alyson Hannigan, Sophie Monk, Fred Willard, and Jennifer Coolidge. But only in 2006, and for about 83-minutes.

Date Movie (Unrated)

Hey, Mac! Do you know that diner located downtown? Yeah. That's right. The Greek, Indian, Jewish, and Chinese place, run by that fuzzy-haired fool, Frank Jones (Eddie Griffin). Well, can you guess which one of his children is fat one minute, thin the next, and ends up falling in love with that floppy-faced doctor, Grant Funkyerdoder (Adam Campbell)?

A-huh! You got it in one, pal. It's Frank's daughter, Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan).

OK. As you're so hot to trot at the moment, my next question is: can you guess what Julia and Grant do after they shag each others brains out, and then meet Julia's parents?

Why yes again! They both decide to get married to each other. Boy! You really are on top form today, aren't you buddy?

Alright then. Let's try these questions on for size. What do you think happens when the Jones' meets the Funkyerdoder's? Or what about Julia's reaction towards Grant's f*ck-a-doshous best 'man', Andy (Sophie Monk), too?

No, you pussy! They don't run out of parodies to spoof in this film. Mores the pity. But then again, that's most probably why what next transpires all has a song and dance at a wedding reception. As the first wedding is a flop - the second wedding gets the chop - the third wedding turns out OK - although in my opinion, the state of this production is in a right disarray.

Carmen Electra cameo, please!

When I was a teenager, I thought that it would be pretty damn funny if I taught my baby-brother how to swear. You must know the type of thing I'm sure. P*ssy. C*ck. B*stard. T*sser. Or anything else I could conjure up when there was nothing better to watch on the television.

Now I've got to admit, at first this was a right hoot for me. Seeing my baby bro yelp out 'f*cker' in the middle of a school-play or something. However, over time -- you guessed it -- this type of thing got really-really repetitive. So repetitive in fact, that whenever the little sh*t swore, I would slap him on the butt and then stick his dummy in his mouth.

Sophie Monk in Date Movie (Unrated)

Alright. I know what you're thinking to yourself. So what has this story got to do with 'Date Movie'? Right? Well, to me, this is what I feel about this so-called comedy. It's repetitive. It's childish. And I want to slap it on its butt and then stick a dummy in its mouth whenever it opens it.

Eddie Griffin in Date Movie
Hey! Don't get me wrong! My reactions aren't directed towards any of the actors or the conceptual premise of this piece. Personally speaking, I thought that the entire cast did the best they could do with what they had at hand -- especially Eddie Griffin and Jennifer Coolidge -- plus the idea of spoofing rom-com's seems like a very appropriate avenue to explore.

What I'm talking about, folks, is how this film just isn't funny.

Granted, here and there, there are a couple of chuckle-worthy gags of the bathroom variety. Also, I have to say that the two main leads -- Alison and Adam -- do share some sort of on screen chemistry together as well. But apart from that -- nah -- this film is as humorous as an incurable disease.

You see, as I just mentioned, not only are the gags very repetitive and stupid, but in many ways the scenes in themselves are very naively constructed. One minute a scene depicts one thing happening. The next minute another scene tries to make a joke. After that, something else comes up about the plot. And so on. And so on. Too and throw. Too and throw. Until... zzzzzz... game over.     

Alyson Hannigan and Sophie Monk do Kill Bill in Date Movie

Alyson Hannigan in Date Movie
Here, before I start to compare this movie of cat piss, let's have some filmic-facts, shall well? (1) '20th Century Fox' first released this twenty million dollar production on the 17th of February, 2006, and clawed back eighty-four million dollars at the box office. (2) There was an unrated DVD version of this film released in 2006 with two more minutes of unseen footage. (3) Loosely translated, this project was entitled 'There Is another Love Story' in Argentina; 'Sexy Movie' in France; and 'A Romantic Comedy Nothing' in Brazil. Furthermore, it was given the working title of the 'Untitled Aaron Seltzer / Jason Friedberg Project' in America. (4) Without looking too closely, I'm sure you noticed that this film parodied 'Napoleon Dynamite', 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding', the 'Princess Diaries', 'The Seven Year Itch', 'Hitch', 'Meet the Parents / Fockers', 'The Wedding Planner', 'Star Wars', 'Bridget Jones's Diary', 'Kill Bill', 'King Kong', 'The Wedding Crashers', 'When Harry Met Sally', 'Along Came Polly', and 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy. (5) Most of this movie was shot on location throughout the American state of Los Angeles, California. (6) According to the cast commentary, Alyson Hannigan's stunt double was used in the ad to promote the reality show Julia goes on. (7) At the 2006 'Golden Raspberry' film awards, Carmen Electra won the 'Worst Supporting Actress' award for her performance in this movie and 'Scary Movie 4'. (8) I'm afraid to say that this film was bashed to smithereens by the filmic-elite. Rotten Tomatoes ranked it the 77th worst film of the naughties. Owen Gleiberman -- from 'Entertainments Weekly' -- compared it to fast food. And Peter Vonder Harr -- from 'Film Threat' -- walked out of his screening only after 29 minutes, without laughing at a single joke. On a more positive note though, 'Variety' did praise Jennifer Coolidge for her 'spot-on' impersonation of Barbra Streisand. So that's something I suppose.

The Cat in Date Movie

Overall 'Date Movie' is a movie for people who like their humor broad, their jokes repetitive, and their story's obvious. Sorry about that, folks. But it has to be said.

Nuff said.