Looking for love isn't very easy you know. Granted, it isn't brain surgery. I know that. Plus it has absolutely nothing to do with kicking someone in the balls and then raping a giant cucumber. Yet again, just to make certain, I best ask the Director: Aaron Seltzer; and the Actors: Alyson Hannigan, Sophie Monk, Fred Willard, and Jennifer Coolidge. But only in 2006, and for about 83-minutes.Date Movie (Unrated)
THE STORY:
Hey, Mac! Do you know that diner located downtown? Yeah.
That's right. The Greek, Indian, Jewish, and Chinese place, run by that
fuzzy-haired fool, Frank Jones (Eddie Griffin). Well, can you guess which one
of his children is fat one minute, thin the next, and ends up falling in love
with that floppy-faced doctor, Grant Funkyerdoder (Adam Campbell)?
A-huh! You got it in one, pal. It's Frank's daughter, Julia
Jones (Alyson Hannigan).
OK. As you're so hot to trot at the moment, my next question
is: can you guess what Julia and Grant do after they shag each others brains
out, and then meet Julia's parents?
Why yes again! They both decide to get married to each other.
Boy! You really are on top form today, aren't you buddy?
Alright then. Let's try these questions on for size. What do you think
happens when the Jones' meets the Funkyerdoder's? Or what about Julia's
reaction towards Grant's f*ck-a-doshous best 'man', Andy (Sophie Monk), too?
No, you pussy! They don't run out of parodies to spoof in
this film. Mores the pity. But then again, that's most probably why what next
transpires all has a song and dance at a wedding reception. As the first wedding
is a flop - the second wedding gets the chop - the third wedding turns out OK -
although in my opinion, the state of this production is in a right disarray.
Carmen Electra cameo, please!
THE REVIEW:
When I was a
teenager, I thought that it would be pretty damn funny if I taught my baby-brother
how to swear. You must know the type of thing I'm sure. P*ssy. C*ck. B*stard.
T*sser. Or anything else I could conjure up when there was nothing better to
watch on the television.
Now I've got to admit, at first this was a right hoot for me. Seeing my baby bro yelp out 'f*cker' in the middle of a
school-play or something. However, over time -- you guessed it -- this type of
thing got really-really repetitive. So repetitive in fact, that whenever the
little sh*t swore, I would slap him on the butt and then stick his dummy in his
mouth.
Alright. I know what you're thinking to yourself. So what
has this story got to do with 'Date Movie'? Right? Well, to me,
this is what I feel about this so-called comedy. It's repetitive. It's childish.
And I want to slap it on its butt and then stick a dummy in its mouth whenever
it opens it.
What I'm talking about, folks, is how this film just isn't
funny.
Granted, here and there, there are a couple of
chuckle-worthy gags of the bathroom variety. Also, I have to say that the two
main leads -- Alison and Adam -- do share some sort of on screen chemistry together
as well. But apart from that -- nah -- this film is as humorous as an incurable
disease.
You see, as I just mentioned, not only are the gags very repetitive and stupid,
but in many ways the scenes in themselves are very naively constructed.
One minute a scene depicts one thing happening. The next minute another scene
tries to make a joke. After that, something else comes up about the plot. And
so on. And so on. Too and throw. Too and throw. Until... zzzzzz... game over.
Overall 'Date Movie' is a movie for people who like their
humor broad, their jokes repetitive, and their story's obvious. Sorry about
that, folks. But it has to be said.
Nuff said.
THE RATING: C+
DATE MOVIE
![DATE MOVIE]()
Reviewed by David Andrews
on
November 20, 2013
Rating:
