Date Movie (Unrated)
Hey, Mac! Do you know that diner located downtown? Yeah. That's right. The Greek, Indian, Jewish, and Chinese place, run by that fuzzy-haired fool, Frank Jones (Eddie Griffin). Well, can you guess which one of his children is fat one minute, thin the next, and ends up falling in love with that floppy-faced doctor, Grant Funkyerdoder (Adam Campbell)?
A-huh! You got it in one, pal. It's Frank's daughter, Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan).
OK. As you're so hot to trot at the moment, my next question is: can you guess what Julia and Grant do after they shag each others brains out, and then meet Julia's parents?
Why yes again! They both decide to get married to each other. Boy! You really are on top form today, aren't you buddy?
Alright then. Let's try these questions on for size. What do you think happens when the Jones' meets the Funkyerdoder's? Or what about Julia's reaction towards Grant's f*ck-a-doshous best 'man', Andy (Sophie Monk), too?
No, you pussy! They don't run out of parodies to spoof in this film. Mores the pity. But then again, that's most probably why what next transpires all has a song and dance at a wedding reception. As the first wedding is a flop - the second wedding gets the chop - the third wedding turns out OK - although in my opinion, the state of this production is in a right disarray.
Carmen Electra cameo, please!
When I was a teenager, I thought that it would be pretty damn funny if I taught my baby-brother how to swear. You must know the type of thing I'm sure. P*ssy. C*ck. B*stard. T*sser. Or anything else I could conjure up when there was nothing better to watch on the television.
Now I've got to admit, at first this was a right hoot for me. Seeing my baby bro yelp out 'f*cker' in the middle of a school-play or something. However, over time -- you guessed it -- this type of thing got really-really repetitive. So repetitive in fact, that whenever the little sh*t swore, I would slap him on the butt and then stick his dummy in his mouth.
Alright. I know what you're thinking to yourself. So what has this story got to do with 'Date Movie'? Right? Well, to me, this is what I feel about this so-called comedy. It's repetitive. It's childish. And I want to slap it on its butt and then stick a dummy in its mouth whenever it opens it.
What I'm talking about, folks, is how this film just isn't funny.
Granted, here and there, there are a couple of chuckle-worthy gags of the bathroom variety. Also, I have to say that the two main leads -- Alison and Adam -- do share some sort of on screen chemistry together as well. But apart from that -- nah -- this film is as humorous as an incurable disease.
You see, as I just mentioned, not only are the gags very repetitive and stupid, but in many ways the scenes in themselves are very naively constructed. One minute a scene depicts one thing happening. The next minute another scene tries to make a joke. After that, something else comes up about the plot. And so on. And so on. Too and throw. Too and throw. Until... zzzzzz... game over.
Overall 'Date Movie' is a movie for people who like their humor broad, their jokes repetitive, and their story's obvious. Sorry about that, folks. But it has to be said.
THE RATING: C+