No. I'm afraid I'm not clairvoyant. Not since the ill timed potato accident of 2014. Although, that said, what I am fairly good at is coming up with lists of predictions! Just like the following list of predictions for the year ahead. So stand back, grab a hold of your pain relief medication, and get ready for some, spit-spit, stuff and nonsense from yours truly. Ready? Then get a load of this...
Technical: After the release of the new Iphone 7, Apple will stop developing new mobile technology and move into the field of ophthalmology. Their new product will be called the I-Eye, and it will be named after the famous unemployed person, Ali G.
TBGTQ: The term 'gay' will be reclaimed by those people who thought it meant 'happy' in the seventies.
Industrial: Donald Trump will team up with Cheech and Chong and they will build a fairly inexpensive wall across his back garden.
Reality TV: No thank you.
Music: Taylor Swift will sing a song without breaking up with someone.
Star Wars: During Episode Eight it will be revealed that Supreme Leader Snoke is none other than, shock-horror, George Lucas cleanly shaved!
Comic Books: DC Comics will team up with Marvel Comics, but only after they steal all of their characters and kill them off in a cross over event. It will be called, 'Ha! Look who's going to make a better movie now, suckers!'.
Religion: Just like Great Britain, the Vatican will want to re-brand the Bible so it will become more popular with the young folk. They will call it, 'No Sex Please, We're Amish'.
Language: All Asian countries will ban the use of such names as Roy Rogers, Ryan Reynolds, Ronald Reagan, Robert Redford, and Road Runner.
Health and Fitness: Smoking will become very popular once all of the non-smokers grow a back-bone and cough it up like the rest of us.
TBGTQ / Comic Book / Hairdressing: Professor X will fall in love with the Silver Surfer and they will open up a brand new hairdressing salon, situated in Prague, catering to those who are also follically challenged.
Politics: Elephants will band together with Monkeys and rule the world.
Sex: Yes please.
Yeah. That sounds about right. Well, most of it does. Especially that thing that says the thing about the thing! What do you think, dear reader? Do you have any predictions for next year? If so, please feel free to spam me in the comment system provided.