When Sir Arthur Conan Doyle first created the now popular Victorian super-sleuth, Sherlock Holmes, little did he know that at the time he managed to create one of the most misogynistic characters in literary history! Since then, however, Sherlock's original persona has been warped by the films, the TV shows, and even the comic books. In fact, this has happened to such an extent, at the moment Sherlock is even contemplating taking up on-line dating.
Yeah. I'm not pulling your leg, old bean! My mates over at Lovestruck.com secretly sent me his online dating profile. Here, check it out and see how the world's greatest detective is selling himself to the fairer sex.
Full Name: Sherlock I-Prefer-Renting-My Holmes, Esquire.
Occupation: Nosey b*stard.
What are you looking for? Professor Moriarty's next crime.
Longest Relationship: Does my relationship with Watson count?
Height: Shorter than a door, yet longer than a nail.
Personality: Addictive, although I have been known to be fairly sarcastic.
Hair Color: Depends on what actor is playing me.
Eye Color: See previous answer for more information.
Distinguishable Features: I wear a deerstalker hat, a long over-coat, and occasionally I smoke a mahogany pipe. Sometimes I hang around with a doctor who carries a hand-gun, while the two of us go in search for crime.
Do you drink? Yes. Tea with cocaine.
What is your favorite meal? Steak and Kidney pie laced with cocaine.
Do you want children? Only if they can run around the streets and help me fight crime, and I don't mean like Batman and his brat.
Do you have children? The Baker Street Irregulars are children, yet none of them have been sired by my loins, Thank God.
Marital status: Consistently single.
Do you do drugs? Yes. No. Yes. No. See previous answers for more information.
Favorite Singer: Kylie Minogue.
Favorite Actor: Anyone political.
Favorite Genre Of Music: Punk... Steam Punk.
Favorite Color: Scarlet.
Favorite Film: 16mm.
Favorite Song: I Shot The Sheriff.
Stopping crime. Preventing crime. Looking for crime. Playing the violin. Dressing up and impersonating people. Belittling Watson. Giving Mrs Hudson orders. Using the word 'Elementary' in a sentence. Taking drugs.
I'm not a big fan of dates. I prefer prunes.
For me to describe myself would be like a puddle of water describing the open blue sea. Yet to many, I'm an overtly astute individual who's willing to test his own powers of deduction. Whereas to the few, I'm a recluse, an oddity, a stranger, a nomad, a mad-man, or a wild trapped beast yearning for some dangerous and complicated excitement!
I can not truly say who I am, and nor can anyone else either. But please believe me when I say that, yes, my name is Sherlock, and yes, I am a detective. With hand on my heart I'm so bloody wonderful, if I was a woman I'm sure I would marry myself. In fact, I think I have?
On one occasion I recollect going to the opera with Watson, and afterwards being confronted by the main star of the show, some Russian ballet dancer called Madame Petrova, who propositioned me with her hand in marriage. Obviously, with me being a red blooded Brit, I quickly made up an excuse and kindly turned down her most generous proposal. Problem was, my excuse insinuated that I preferred the company of men, men like Watson for instance, and this prompted me to... well... marry myself, but only after a lot of unnecessary hullabaloo. Here, check this out and see for yourself.
So what do you think of that? Do you think Sherlock's dating profile will find him a date? Let them know at @lovestuck, or alternately, in the comment system provided.