CRIMINALLY GOOD MOVIE HEISTS - ALSO KNOWN AS ‘JEB AND THE LUNATIC’

Jeb is dead. Well, he better be dead. Otherwise I’ve wasted the last fifteen minutes stabbing the assh*le in his face. Although, come to think of it, maybe that was a little bit too excessive? The stabbing I mean. As I could have easily taken my knife out and slid it vertically across his throat. But no. Not me. I had to go the extra mile and plunge it into his pug-ugly-mug, again, and again, and again, until eventually Jeb was dead and I was covered from head to toe in his precious bodily fluids.

I mean, did it really have to come to this? Did I really need to snuff him out in order to prove a point? No. Probably not. But then again I am a... a... a... uhhh... now how can I put this? A deranged lunatic? Yeah. That’ll do. And I’m none too keen on people talking back to me, no matter what the cost. 

In all fairness, though, I don’t think that it would have hurt Jeb to agree with me on this one specific occasion! Because if he did, I'm pretty sure he’d still have his saggy head attached to his flippy-floppy shoulders. But now, ha!, there’s no chance of that happening again! Even if I had a tub of glue to stick it back on with. Besides, I’ve already carved out his eyes and most of his blood has been smeared all over my clothing. So, you know, there’s no going back now. 

Wait a minute! That reminds me of something! Note to self: I need to buy a packet of soap powder before I go home. 

Anyway, as I was saying, so there we were, both me and Jeb, with him dead and me being the one who killed him. And do you want to know why I did such a thing? Well, it's a pretty simple story, and it started about fifteen minutes ago (or maybe that should be seventeen?), when he came up to me and asked one  specific question.

‘What’s your favorite heist film?’, he said, with that smug high pitched voice of his. So without any hesitation, I immediately replied back to him by saying, ‘No doubt about it, it has to be the 1995 crime classic, 'Heat', as it’s De Niro and Pacino at their best’. ‘But why?’, Jeb harshly exclaimed, ‘Why choose that particular film, so quickly, when there are so many others to choose from? Such as Die Hard 3, Inside Man, The Town, and let’s not forget...’. But before he could continue, I swiftly took out my knife and stabbed him in the face for the next fifteen minutes.

Now I know what you're thinking. You’re thinking along the lines of, ‘But isn’t that rather excessive? As you didn’t need to kill him for disagreeing with your choice of film! After all, this is a civilized world and people should behave in a civilized manner’. And to that I’d say, ‘Yes, yes you are correct’. But then again I am a... a... a... uhhh... now how can I put this? A deranged lunatic? Yeah. That’ll do. And I’m none too keen on people talking back to me, no matter what the cost.

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