DETECTIVE COMICS - FUTURES END #1

[ I NEED TO BUY AN UMBRELLA ] 

Many years in the future the world will be changed forever more. Francis Manapul will be a bus-driver. Brian Buccellato will be a taxidermist. And DC Comics will recollect how they once conned a squirrel into pinching its own nuts, in September, 2014. May Chip and Dale have mercy on their souls.

To QUOTE John "Hannibal" Smith from the A-Team: 'I always love it when a plan comes together'.

THE STORY:

'Hey, boss!' say's one the Calendar man's henchmen, 'You never guessed what I've just heard? Batman and the Riddler have teamed-up, because old riddle-face designed this prison we've taken over, and Bat's is using him to get to us'.

'So what?' reply's the Calendar man in turn. 'Let them come. I want them to come. As that way I can finally get my revenge on the man who destroyed my family all those many year's ago'.

And so it finally came to pass that under the cover of darkness both Batman and the Riddler set forth to find the Calendar man and kick his f*cking face in. Did they succeed? No. I will not say. But what I will say is that time and patience waits for no man in prison. Amen.

THE GOOD:

What I loved about this adventure the most was how the overall tale managed to sew together three divergent story-lines. The first one was obviously taken from the 'Zero Year' saga, where the Riddler battled Batman over the final fate of Gotham City. The second plot-threat was taken from Detective Comics Annual #3, where the Calendar man got his ass handed to him by everyone's favorite caped crusader. And last but not least we have this whole 'Futures End' scenario, where whatever happens, happens, blah-blah-blah!

Of course the multiple artists assigned to pen this book did help emolliate these proceedings by putting on one hell of great show. In my opinion most of them were able to blend in with each other's art-work, whilst at the same time making their presence known without over styling it.

Also, I have to say that I got a right kick out of how this tale eventually resolved itself. Without giving too much away, let's just say everything seemed to work out alright at the end, wink-wink!

THE BAD:

I suppose the only thing I didn't like about this issue is that it was set five years in the future. To me -- personally speaking -- things would have felt more pertinent if they were set in the present day era. That way the three connections I mentioned up above would have appeared more 'relevant' and less 'put in place' than they have in this rather pseudo cross-over event.

THE MUSIC:

Now for this musical paring I need to specify a song which has the following three components. Firstly, it needs to be about a prison. Secondly, it has to be interesting to pursue. And thirdly, it might as well be that Pretenders song called 'Back In The Chan Gang'. Ha!

THE COMPARISON:

Aesthetically this comic was about a group of men sneaking there way into an isolated prison, so they can finally get their hands in an escaped felon. So with that in mind, dear reader, I have to compare it to the Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage movie, 'The Rock', for fairly obvious reasons.

THE CONCLUSION:

At the very end of this issue a rather unusual twist occurred. So just for fun, can you guess what it is out of the following eight scenarios?

1. Jerry Springer suddenly turned up and tried to settle this dispute in front of a live studio audience.
2. Calendar man attempted to kiss Batman on his Bat-belt.
3. Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage sued Batman and the Riddler for copying their act.
4. The Riddler becomes so annoying his subconscious deliberately stabs him in the face sixty-seven times with an axe.
5. An elephant falls on Batman, instantly killing him.
6. Batman allows the Calendar man to kick the crap out of the Riddler.
7. Barry Manilow -- that's it.
8. The Calendar Man teams-up with a Weather Girl and starts singing 'Its Raining Men'.

Nuff said.