AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER

Yeah, baby, yeah! I’m back, I’m proud – and I’m hung, like the Turin shroud – groovy! Now if you want me to make you groovy as well, jusy like a mahogany table carved by a carpenter with Parkinson’s, then why don’t you watch this 94-minute film made in 2002. It was Directed by Jay Roach; and Stars: Mike Myers, Beyoncé Knowles, and Michael Caine.


Austin Powers in Goldmember


THE STORY:

Now you would have thought that when secret agent, Austin Powers (Mike Myers), captured the evil mastermind, Dr Evil (Mike again), plus his diminutive henchman, Mini-Me (Verne Troyer), from committing a dastardly crime -- and then send them both to jail -- that all of this would be a good thing, right? But no. Not really. A day or so later, Austin hears from Basil Exposition (Michael York) that his Dad, Nigel Powers (Michael Caine), has been kidnapped by Goldmember (Mike yet again), who is one of Dr Evil’s ally’s.

Sh*t!.

Obviously Austin is distraught by this news, and in haste, goes to Dr Evil, to gauge from him the information that he needs, to find out where his Dad is being held -- a nightclub in 1973. So what does Austin do next? Yep – you got it – he goes back in time. 

Once in 1973, Austin gets his mitts on some tasty bint called Foxxy Cleopatra (Beyoncé Knowles), and together they do a shufty to grab the ol’ geezer back from that clog wearing git. But would you Adam and Eve it, the peg leg with the meat and two veg made out of gold, does a wrong’en! Leaving both Austin and Foxxy winging their way back to the present day, with nary a farthing to their name.

Now I hope that you have understood all of that, as I will be testing you later, ha!

However, once back in modern times again, things get even worse for Austin and Foxy, when they both discover that Dr Evil has escaped from jail, and has reconceived his master plan to blow up the world -- with Goldmember by his side.

Nevertheless, this does not seem to bother this dynamic duo at all. Hell no! Instead, they then do whatever it takes, to make matters right again.

For a start, Austin and Foxy travel to Tokyo, and learn from a fat b*stard, called Fat B*stard (more Mike), that Dr. Evil has enlisted the services of a technical expert, Mr. Roboto (Nobu Matsuhisa), to aide him in his fiendish plot. Then, they track down Mr. Roboto to his lair, whom subsequently leads them both to Goldmember and Austin’s Dad, Nigel. After that, they save Nigel just before Goldmember escapes from their grasp. And finally, Austin and his Dad have a ‘barney’, which inadvertently directs Austin to join forces with someone who has defected from Dr. Evils employ.

Well, that is why what next transpires, is a rather strained set of circumstances indeed. As alliances are made – infiltrations are weighed – family reunions are relayed – Dutch-men are flayed – and movies are played.

Oh! And Scott (Seth Green) has a bad time too.

THE REVIEW:

Now I have to say that I really did like ‘Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery’ when it first watched it – it was a blast (click here for review). Moreover, I also liked ‘Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me’ too –  as it was very innovative (click here for that review). Still, do you think that I liked this third film in the series? ‘Austin Powers in Goldmember’ (click here for no apparent reason).

Hmmm – to quote Austin – Yeah, baby, yeah, it made me horny!

And, prey tell, why did it make me ‘horny’? Well, there are a number of reasons really, with all of them directed at one thing and one thing alone – entertainment. For example: (1) I loved all of the cameos in this film – even though they did not really aide the plot in any way, shape, or form. (2) Michael Caine – need I say more? He’s was one of the inspirations for this film franchise in the first place (most notably, Austin’s glasses), as well as being a stalwart of British cinema since the early sixties. (3) Beyonce Knowles – now I thought that I would not have liked her in this film – because she would have been used as a sexual visual stimulant, just for titivations sake. And, alas, even if I was right with this presumption – she still had a visceral presence within her acting abilities, which did impress me quite a bit. (4) Mike Myers – what a git! In this film, he manages to play four different roles; giving each of these parts a completely different tone and pathos – class act all the way. (5) Now there is a story to this film – two stories as a matter of fact. Because on the one hand, it is an action and adventure story – tinged with satire. Whilst on the other hand, it is a story about family and the coming of age – tinged with satire. Personally speaking, both of these aspects worked for this film as a whole – and showed that silliness does know no bounds. (6) All of the musical number in this movie were just top notch – nothing to do with the story – but very enjoyable all the same. And (7) Last but not least, my favourite scene in this film, is where Mike and Michael talk cockney to each other. Well, as a cockney myself, all I can say is that this was just the dog’s bollocks, and that more of this old china would have been Anneka Rice to peg.

However, taking all of this into account, ‘Austin Powers in Goldmember’ did have a slight down side to it as well. Initially, the roles relating to Robert Wagner, Mindy Sterling, Fred Savage, and Michael York, were all considerably diluted in this film – and I would have liked to have seen a lot more of them in it. And subsequently, in places, the jokes became a tad too repetitive – even if they were largely to poke fun at itself.

Overall, though, ‘Austin Powers 3’ is a great film to watch. It is funny – it is entertaining – it has pathos – and it is just fun to boot. And in my most humble opinion, I am very interested to see where this film franchise goes when they eventually get around to make ‘Austin Powers 4’.

Well, there is a rumour that it is in the works.

THE RATING: A