WOLVERINE #316

[ I GOTTA GET ME A BARGAIN ] 

Don't you find Elsa Bloodstone very well-built? I'm sure she can take on a Scotsman in a nice-kilt. She has plenty of punch. A bunch I want to crunch. And wouldn't she look lovely draped caringly within my quilt? But only if she is allowed to do so by Writer: Chris Bunn; Artist: Paul Pelletier; and Publisher: Marvel Comics in December 2012.

So what’s the STORY morning glory?

Whilst asleep, Wolverine dreams of the last time he saw the all powerful psychic known as The Dreaming Maiden. Whilst awake though, he's incarcerated with his ally, Elisa Bloodstone, within a floating fortress hovering amongst the clouds.

Oh! So who's going to save him in this third part of 'Covenant' then?

• Vanessa Barker can't! She's too busy annoying Logan's ex, Melita Garner, at the moment.
• Wait a minute! What about Melita? She could help him out of this predicament, couldn't she?
• Yeah. Yeah, she does. By contacting Seraph and the rest of the Logan's ex-lovers.
• Let's just hope they can get their hands on him before a gaggle of mechanised monsters jump onto the scene, huh? Or otherwise...

BANNNG!!!!!!

To be continued when the search for the Dreaming Maiden reconvenes...

What is the most memorable SENTENCE OR CONVERSATION spoken in this issue?

Now the stand-out conversation for me in this issue was when Seraph tossed Wolverine some of his old retro-gear to wear, and said...

SERAPH: Here. None of us want to see you naked anymore. The designs a little bit out of date... but you change outfits more than a runway model.

WOLVERINE: Haven't you heard? I'm the best at what I do. Why shouldn't I look my best while doing it?

ELISA: Wait. So you're a team of Wolverines former lovers?

SERAPH: You keep spending some time with him and I save you a spot on the roster.

Ha! Wasn't that a hoot! Where else can you get this type of satirical comic book commentary from? The government?

What was the BEST thing about this issue?

Now I really did enjoy reading the introductory sequence in this issue because: (1) Wolverine said that he was scared of the Dreaming Maiden -- which I thought was funny. (2) I liked the way that the plot-recap didn't sound too much like a plot-recap -- which is always a good thing in my book. And (3) There was an ethereal quality about this segment that made it very timely as a piece in it's own right -- which helped lubricate the 'jolt' into the 'main tale' itself. 

What was the WORST thing about this issue?

My only slight gripe with this tale would have to be its rather meandering structure. It started off with a dream sequence. And then segwayed back and forth -- back and forth -- between Wolverine's and Melita's story-strands; until both plot-threads merged into one and finito.

Alright, I know this doesn't sound too bad within the scheme of things. But I would like to point out that sometimes certain scenes never seemed to flow as smoothly as others, making the overall yarn 'jolt' on occasion.

Please note: This is a minor gripe. Not a biggie.

What was the most CREATIVE thing about this issue?

STORY: There were two creative notions in this adventure that I thought very intriguing in hindsight. Firstly, the concept of a team comprising of someone ex-girlfriends sounded like a pretext for a seventies television show to me -- very boom-boom-bang. And secondly, the idea behind an all-powerful dream-physic just makes me wish for a remake of some of those old Shaw Brothers movies -- please-please-please. 

ART: This is the first time I've ever liked the look of Wolverine's old duds. Yeah. Straight up. Instead of it making him appear like a fetishist in a cat-suit. It's made him more brutish somehow. More goth-like. And that is always good to see, huh?

Wow, Paul Pelletier! Your art-work really knows no bounds.

If you had to CAST TWO CHARACTERS in this comic book, who would they be and why?

SERAPH: Yep. It's still comedic casting-call month, folks. So whilst sticking with this trend, why not compare this grumpy old broad with another grumpy old broad --Joan Rivers. Come on. Don't tell me this thought has never crossed your mind.

WOLVERINE: Alright. I know that Jeffrey Ross isn't Canadian or very mean-looking. But as he tosses a lot of insults around on stage, I thought "Hey! What the hell!"

If this issue had a MOVIE TAG LINE, what would it be?

There In Your Dreams. There Locked Up With You. And They Push You Off Of A Cliff. Women, huh? Can't Live Them....

If this issue were a MOVIE, an OBJECT, or a piece of MUSIC, what would that be and why? 

OK, so this adventure was about dreams and lovers, right? Therefore, I have no choice by to compare it to the Bobby Darin song, 'Dream Lover'.

Simple and melodic, right? Both the choice and the song.

FINAL thoughts...

Dear People in Charge of the Stationary Cupboard at Marvel Comics,

Hi. I bet you anything that nobody has ever written to you before. They think you're obsolete. Superfluous. And basically just another 'odd-jobs person' who is only good for refilling, restacking, and re-shelving the same old item's, again, and again, and again.

But I know a lot better, pal. I know that if it wasn't for people like you, people like Chris Bunn wouldn't get a pay-check, and people like Paul Pelletier wouldn't be able to draw.

Granted, unlike Chris's and Paul's roles within your organisation, I suppose your job is a lot easier to do. Not everyone can write as well as Chris. And not everyone can draw as well as Paul. Moreover, they both have a certain panache to their work which comes with a lot of dedication and gumption -- and that's something I can't say about your... errr... particular vocation.

Still, never mind, hey? Keep up the good work my friends. And if you see Chris and Paul, please tell them the same.

Love, Light, And Peace -- The Reviewer

MARKS out of 10? 8.8